The Hardest Thing I've Done As a Parent: Olivia's Answer

Somebody asked this great question like a month ago but I guess Hillary and I have been so busy being moms to our increasingly active babies that we let our mommy tales duties slack. I'm mostly to blame, but we'll try to be a little better about it now.*

*(Check out this awesome blog post to perhaps justify our seemingly inexplicable absences over the last many weeks--also incidentally where this quote--re-quoted by Elder Neil L. Andersen in a 2011 General Conference--came from:)

Everyone tells you that parenthood, or more specifically--motherhood--is hard. But hard means different things to different people. For instance, I think my challenges of motherhood have been very different from those of Hillary and many other of my mom friends.

Some people probably would say pregnancy or giving birth were the hardest thing they've ever done (let alone as a parent). That's a tough one for me because even with my insane labor (which you can read about here if you missed it), it felt completely worth it to me afterward so I am pretty sure my whole memory of the labor is distorted by the insane adrenaline and endorphins I experienced that day. I guess I just need to have another baby to jolt me back to reality again ;). But for real, having a baby is not even that bad and I feel like pushing for four hours permits me to say that. And billions of other women must agree with me too, or why would people have so many children!

So then what has been the hardest thing thus far?

It's not the tiredness. I think being perpetually tired is kind of just a permanent quality of life now (honestly, that's pretty much been the case since high school, but it really escalated after I got pregnant and since). I mean, I guess I have sudden bursts of energy every now and again which is how I get certain big items on my to-do list accomplished, but it's so rare that I have enough energy to do all the things I want to do in a day that I've just come to regard this as an impossibility (or at least as a miracle because that's what it will be if it ever does happen).

It's not the immense sacrifice that people say is required to be a stay-at-home mom. For me, it really hasn't been much of a sacrifice. If anything, it has been an honor to be able to raise one of God's precious little daughters. And being the best wife and mother I can be has always been my greatest ambition so there has never been any question as to what I want to spend my energy working toward. Sure, being pregnant is one part of parenthood that is hard with all its aches and pains and being unable to eat whatever you want and do some of the activities you want to do, but you're getting a baby out of it, and that little life is so much more than worth it. The only thing I'm sacrificing by being a mother as far as I'm concerned is being wealthy (which we probably still wouldn't be even if I were working) and having the ability to be selfish. In other words, I can't just do whatever I want anymore (not that I was really aware that I could do that before having a baby, but I digress). I now have to wake up every morning and feed my daughter and change her diaper. I can't just skip feeding her breakfast. She's depending on me. At eight months old, she can't fend for herself yet. I am responsible for an innocent little being and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to not just feel needed--but feel the love and gratitude of that little one when she gives you a toothy grin or peacefully lays her head against your chest in perfect tranquility.

On the other hand, when asked the same question, my husband Dalin essentially replied that for him the sacrifice of time is the greatest challenge in parenthood. He actually said, "It's never having time to yourself." And it's true, there is no "time off" in parenthood. Even if you get a babysitter for a date or even manage to get a weekend away, you never stop being parents. Your choices change when you are responsible for being an example to a little human. Remember what I said about being selfish? There's no room for both selfishness and true love of your child. I see what Dalin is saying though. Every so often I miss having those moments between just the two of us. Our marriage has changed out of necessity. We've adapted. Even when we're "alone," there's always our little girl chirping away in the next room. And we are always aware of that. Not that we'd have it any other way... ;)

I guess I should share my answer now. Truthfully, for me the hardest part of motherhood thus far (and of course, being that my daughter is only eight months old I have not had that many experiences yet) is the emotionality of the endeavor. I don't cry as much as I did when I was pregnant (thankfully--for everyone...), but I feel like I am permanently susceptible to my motherly emotions. Especially when a mother or child is hurt or dies in a movie or book, I lose it. I just can't help it. I think about my own family and my own life and am frightened by the unknown of losing a child. I have learned to worry my whole life from a mother who was always incredibly concerned with safety, and now I cannot think about much except for keeping my baby girl safe and healthy. I am pretty confident I'm going to be that overprotective "helicopter" mom or whatever they call it, who hovers over her children because I want to keep them safe from themselves and others, and safe from the disappointments, sadnesses, and dangers of life. But I've decided I'm fine with that. I know I cannot always do this--that would be irrational and inhibit my children's ability to learn and grow for themselves, but for now, that has been the hardest part of being a parent. The constant worrying and fear of the unknown.

That and trying to cook and clean every day with an attention-needing baby. And telling off those people/moms who do or give things to my baby that I'm not okay with because I'm very non-confrontational. And having irregular hours.

But even with all that and no pay, it's worth it. It's worth every second. Without a doubt.

When you get moments like this, you'll understand:

What has been your hardest moment as a parent? Do you agree or disagree with me? 

If you aren't one yet, what are your fears about parenthood? (Don't worry, it's wonderful;)

Bottles, Milk Supply, and Solids

After a long little sabbatical due to, you know, motherhood and stuff, we are turning some attention to the blog again and trying to get back on top of it!  With our little girls growing faster and faster time doesn’t allow for a lot of sit and type on the computer moments.  As such, this post may be a little unorganized, perhaps even scatterbrained.  But we were so pleasantly surprised to hear that people were missing this blog!  It has reawakened our desire to connect with our fellow moms and moms-to-be out there.  So we will try harder to stay on top of it as long as you keep interacting with us about it!  With every post we not only welcome other advice and opinions we seek them!  Please continue to come be involved as we talk about motherhood and babyhood and the different experiences we all have!

On that note, here is a post about a certain experience that can begin to happen to most babies around 6 months- I’ve heard it called the 6-month drought.  This is when baby’s weight gain hits a plateau, so to speak, or may even decrease.  I didn’t know anything about it until we were in it.  In the last few months Olivia and I have both been having some up and down motherhood moments in one certain category- breastfeeding.  Some of you may remember the facebook status I posted about how I was getting worried about Audrey’s nutritional needs not being met.  I got A LOT of suggestions and advice.

I began the post by saying that my milk supply has been decreasing.  A few people expressed that they were skeptical of that.  They said that if I was doing everything right there should be no reason for my supply to decrease.  Without getting into anything confrontational I would like to firmly say that that is not true.  At least in my experience and a few of my fellow new mother friends it has not been true.  We hear quite often that every baby is different, but I think there is not enough understanding that every mother is different as well, INCLUDING the way her body works.  I know only the basics of lactation and I know that eating healthily and nursing often is the way to keep milk supply up.  However, despite all this my supply WAS going down and I was getting worried.  Times where I used to be able to feed my baby one full 30 minute feeding on one side, I suddenly was running out within 10 minutes and had a screaming hungry baby on my hands.  I was doing everything exactly the same as I had been.  Maybe for other women this never happens so they don't really believe that it could.  But there was no doubt my milk was tapering off and there was no apparent reason. 

This would not be such a big deal if it were not for the fact that Audrey does not take a bottle.  Olivia and I have talked about how we both have had the goal to make it to a year nursing, but we also both know that our baby’s needs are more important than our own personal goals.  So, if formula or other alternatives to nursing were necessary, then so be it.  You do what's best for your baby.  The problem for our little family is that Audrey won’t take milk from anything other than me.  Andrew and I have tried every suggestion to get her to take a bottle, but to no avail.  These two things combined was worrisome.  That was the dilemma- milk supply decreasing combined with her not taking a bottle.  We were also having issues with solids.  I was having a harder time than Audrey was because I was so worried about everything.

As hard as it has been and as hopeless as it has felt at times in the last few months, we HAVE managed to keep nursing!  It has gotten so much better.  The biggest help for us has been the herbal supplement Fenugreek suggested to me by my sister.  Here is a list of some things that have worked for us as well as some of the suggestions mentioned on facebook.  If you’re having trouble with or worrying at all about your milk supply definitely try a few of these.  What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa.  For some reason my body responds really well to Fenugreek but it did not work at all for my friend Shauna.  Let's try to understand each other, not tell each other what we're doing wrong.  As said before, remember that every mom is just as different as every baby is.

Suggestions from FB:

MILK SUPPLY:

Domperidone (medication)- doubled LH’s milk supply

More Milk Plus capsules- doubled JS’s milk supply within 2 days

Mother’s Milk Tea- I’ve heard different opinions about this one, but MC had great success with it.  I tried it for a few days but it made me a little nauseas so I stopped.  Definitely worth a try, though.

Lactation cookies- KA had success with these.  Find a good recipe online.

Nurse on demand

Drink a lot of water and/or milk (unless your baby gets an upset stomach when you have too much dairy)

Pump after every feeding, or at least as often as possible- TU said, “It doesn’t matter in nothing comes out, what matters is that you stimulate the milk production.”

Plain rolled oats- HH ate a bowl every day, sometimes twice a day and had great success with it boosting her milk supply.

BOTTLE ISSUES:

Sippy cup/Regular cup- the problem for Audrey is that she doesn’t ever want to suck on anything other than breast or pacifier.  When we gave up on the bottle we tried a sippy cup, but had the same problem with her just not sucking on it.  But we learned that she loves to sip out of a cup like kids and adults do normally.  Interesting, huh?  We wouldn’t have found that out though if we hadn’t tried the sippy cup first.

Different bottle nipples, particularly faster flowing ones

Syringe feeding- LF said to try and syringe or straw feed extra formula while nursing.  “They have super tiny flexible straws that you just slip into the corner of baby’s mouth while she nurses.”

Supplemental feeding system- a tube that attaches to your chest and brings formula up to where baby nurses

SOLIDS SUGGESTIONS:

Mix rice cereal or oatmeal with fruit purees

Try homemade mashed foods instead of baby foods- avocado, bananas, mashed potatoes, refried beans

Look for baby food grinders at Walmart- TL said that she used it to make spaghetti, mac and cheese, pot pies, small enough for baby to gum

Mix healthy fats with baby food for weight gain- avocado, coconut oil, olive oil

Try using a mesh baby food feeder

RESOURCE OPTIONS:

La Leche League

Milky Mommas fb group

Look up “baby-led weaning” online

This is by no means an extensive list, so please add to it!  Let us know what has worked for you or whatever questions you might have about any challenges you’re facing.  Remember there is an army of moms out there who are ready and willing to respond.  

Encouragement for young mothers from Elder Holland

Recently I’ve come across some good General Conference talks about children and motherhood and I just had a to share some of the things I found especially uplifting.  For those not of our faith who read this blog, General Conference is when the leaders of our church (Mormon/LDS) give talks/speeches to counsel and uplift the members.  It happens twice a year and is always very inspiring to me.  This post will kind of give you a glimpse of the kinds of things we hear at Conference.

First off is a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland called “Because She Is A Mother.”  I had a lot of dishes to do one day and was looking for some encouragement.  I typed the word ‘mother’ into the lds.org search engine and scrolled down until I found Conference talks on the subject.  This title caught my eye and the talk did not disappoint.  It gave me the emotional boost I needed and so I want to share parts of it with you.

“In speaking of mothers generally, I especially wish to praise and encourage young mothers. The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. The young years are often those when either husband or wife—or both—may still be in school or in those earliest and leanest stages of developing the husband’s breadwinning capacities. Finances fluctuate daily between low and nonexistent. The apartment is usually decorated in one of two smart designs—Deseret Industries provincial or early Mother Hubbard. The car, if there is one, runs on smooth tires and an empty tank. But with night feedings and night teethings, often the greatest challenge of all for a young mother is simply fatigue. Through these years, mothers go longer on less sleep and give more to others with less personal renewal for themselves than any other group I know at any other time in life. It is not surprising when the shadows under their eyes sometimes vaguely resemble the state of Rhode Island.

Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones.

One young mother wrote to me recently that her anxiety tended to come on three fronts. One was that whenever she heard talks on LDS motherhood, she worried because she felt she didn’t measure up or somehow wasn’t going to be equal to the task. Secondly, she felt like the world expected her to teach her children reading, writing, interior design, Latin, calculus, and the Internet—all before the baby said something terribly ordinary, like “goo goo” (this is totally how I feel sometimes). Thirdly, she often felt people were sometimes patronizing, almost always without meaning to be, because the advice she got or even the compliments she received seemed to reflect nothing of the mental investment, the spiritual and emotional exertion, the long-night, long-day, stretched-to-the-limit demands that sometimes are required in trying to be and wanting to be the mother God hopes she will be.

But one thing, she said, keeps her going: “Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God’s work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him. I am deeply moved that God finds His ultimate purpose and meaning in being a parent, even if some of His children make Him weep.

In light of that kind of expression, it is clear that some of those Rhode Island–sized shadows come not just from diapers and carpooling but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient. If you and your husband will strive to love God and live the gospel yourselves; if you will plead for that guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit promised to the faithful; if you will go to the temple to both make and claim the promises of the most sacred covenants a woman or man can make in this world; if you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.

No one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed, just like those generations of foremothers before you who hoped your same hopes and felt your same fears.

When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, “pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,” that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity. Claim the promises of the Savior of the world. Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children. Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you.

Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.

Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.”  You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.”

All I can say is amen to that.  I love the inspiration I feel from his words.  It applies to every mother everywhere, no matter religion or background.  Motherhood is the noblest of callings.  It is so important to Heavenly Father and so He will be there through it all.  Love those babies and love yourself throughout the good times and the bad. 

There are many talks and articles on lds.org about parenthood, children, and many other subjects.  If you ever need a pick-me-up, as we all do sometimes, listen to or read one of them and you will feel uplifted and inspired in your role as a mother!

Here are some other ones:

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/04/a-mother-heart?lang=eng&query=motherhood

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1978/10/behold-your-little-ones?lang=eng

Some Basic Ideas for Entertaining Toddlers

Entertaining a toddler is somewhat of a new realm for me, and one that I have not explored much. Yet. My daughter isn't quite there, but when she is we will hopefully have baby #2 already and I can only imagine how I will manage balancing a baby and a toddler. Fortunately, it has already been done by billions of people, so I'm fairly confident I can and will manage. But in preparation for that day, (and to fill the request of one of our readers) I looked into it. A lot. And I found that there are a lot of easy ways to distract a toddler. Then I got excited. Because toddlers can do way more than babies, and as much as I love the stage my daughter is in right now, I got a little bit eager for that time when playtime would be more than just sucking on a toy.

So here is a tiny fraction of what I learned. (By the way, Pinterest is the best resource for toddler entertainment in my opinion. There are zillions of creative and home-made ideas found on there. I'm stealing most of these from Pinterest actually.)

Toddler play is mainly about these things: Novelty, Simplicity, and Safety. And, for good measure, Desirability.

Novelty: Toddlers are generally infamous for short attention spans. They usually get bored or disinterested rapidly, especially when left to play on their own. When you are trying to focus elsewhere, having a variety of activities available is key. If you can provide around five different activity ideas or stations, you can typically keep a toddler busy for hours just by steering him or her in the right direction once one activity has been tried out. Even just presenting an activity or toy in a new way will often be enough to get your toddler interested.

Simplicity: Toddlers are still developing basic motor skills and enjoy doing tasks that are do-able for them. If something is too difficult for them, they will likely grow bored or frustrated. Choose activities that focus on one skill. Teaching them to put things in holes. Teach them to balance things. Teach them to hold a crayon to draw. Teach them to pick things up with two fingers. If a toddler can do it alone, there is a higher chance of him or her continuing with it.

Safety: Choosing age appropriate activities will give you peace of mind to be able to let your child play without much supervision. If your child is playing with small objects, be sure to keep an eye on him or her to prevent choking. Make sure that your child's play area is safe. If, for example, you are letting him or her play in the kitchen, make sure he or she cannot reach the stove or any knives or forks. Also watch out for things you don't want broken, like glass dishes or cups. Always supervise your child in a tub--children can drown in less than an inch of water.

Desirability: Toddlers want to be like mom and dad. They copy your actions and mimic your behavior. This means that sometimes you are going to have to begin the activity with your child, even for just a short amount of time to pique his or her interest. You have to encourage them to want to play with the toy or do the activity instead of just assuming they will want it. Show them how to do an activity and then do it yourself for a little while until they can without help. Get them interested before sneaking away. Toddlers want what mom and dad have so expressing interest in their activities is the surest way of keeping them at it.

Activity ideas (these require mostly materials that are likely already found in your home):

Threading
Find a small rope or thick string and give your child large beads to practice stringing and unstringing on. Use wooden block beads, large plastic beads, or even large pasta like rigatoni. Tying a straw or rod to the end of the rope may help your child with threading. If they struggle with threading, thread several beads on yourself and let them do the work unthreading it.

Balloon
A balloon is an easy distraction for your child. Especially once you show them how to toss it in the air and hit it. For added excitement, tie it to a string and let them drag the balloon around or play with it in a new way. Just make sure they don't bite the balloon and pop it.

Bubble wrap
Like balloons, bubble wrap is an excellent and easy distraction. Teach them to pop it with their fingers, stomp on it, or give them a toy hammer to smash it. Just have your earplugs or headphones ready.

Milk Jug
Save an old milk jug or two and after rinsing it out, give your child small toys to put inside. Cut a wider opening if necessary. Show them that they can put small toys (like Lego's) inside and then shake the jug. Or, fill the jug with small (small! It's for an unpredictable toddler!) amounts of water and let your child feed the plants!

Tape
Use masking tape to make a basic track for cars or trucks on the carpet, couch, or kitchen floor. Or, just let your child play with a roll of cheap masking tape from the Dollar Store. Tape the end to a table or similar, and let them explore the possibilities.

Shape puzzles
Don't have one of those toddler shape puzzles that requires them to put the various shapes in their correct slot? Make your own. Trace objects on a piece of paper or poster board with different color markers or crayons, and have your child place them where they go. Start with just a few and increase as your child learns.

Sink Play
Let your child stand at the kitchen sink on a sturdy chair and let them poke sponges, bubbles, or other novelties floating in clean sink water. Give them a scrubbing brush or toothbrush to poke with. Caution! Your little one will get wet! And make sure they are old enough to stand on a chair in the first place.

Chores
Give your child the easiest chores you can think of to attempt on his or her own. Toddlers love trying to help. Let them fold washcloths or dishrags, or give them a duster and tell them to dust around the TV or shelves (make sure they avoid the breakable stuff). If you have a small vacuum like we do (or a hand-held) let them suck up the visible specks on the carpet or couch. Hey, this might be one of the only times they are happy to help with this stuff!

Piggy Bank
Find a cheap piggy bank or make your own by cutting a slot in an old milk or juice jug, a Pringle can, etc., and give your child pennies or poker chips to put in the slot. This is a pretty easy game for any toddler.

Cooking
Let your toddler cook with you. Provide a small sauce pan, a stirring spoon or spatula, a measuring cup, and some water, dry pasta, or craft pom poms and let them mix up dinner. Toddlers love adult toys.

Ice
Freeze small toys or animals in ice cube trays then let your child play with the ice on a baking pan. If they are a little older, give them a toy hammer to try and break the ice with. Consider putting gloves on them to make playtime last longer.

Pipe Cleaners
Give your toddler pipe cleaners and a colander to play with. Show them how to insert the ends of the pipe cleaner into the colander holes.

Sponges
Cut up a variety of Dollar Store sponges and give your child a small dish of water to play with. Show them what happens when sponges fill with water. Lay out a towel underneath them to contain any mess.

Crayon Box
Poke crayons through a cereal box or similar so they stick out. Apparently toddlers are entertained by this. I'm not sure I understand the appeal but evidently it's there.

Cloth Box
Keep scraps of cloth, washcloths, or samples of fabric in an empty wipes container and show them how to pull pieces of colored fabric out through the top like tissues. Having a variety of fabrics is best because kids love sensory games.

Ramp
Make a ramp with a wooden board, large board book, baking pan or similar and show your child how to roll cars, trucks, balls, etc. down the ramp.

These are just some of many ideas I came across while searching the web and Pinterest. Basically, you can invent a fun game for very little to no money for your toddler and, depending on their interests, you can keep them entertained for hours!

What do you do to keep your toddlers entertained? 
What has worked, what hasn't? 
Do you like any of these suggestions?

Hannah's Second Natural Birth

When I was nearly 36 weeks along I was at church and I fell down about five stairs and hit a wall at the bottom. I felt really sore, but nothing too painful. As soon as they saw me fall, someone from the church called the paramedics and they came and checked me out. I was fine. But my doctor wanted me to come to the hospital and make sure everything was fine. After calling a neighbor to see if they could watch our 16 month old son for a couple hours, we headed to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. As soon as we got to the hospital they put me on monitors. The baby seemed fine, I wasn’t dilated at all, and I wasn’t having any real contractions. I was having the same Braxton hick’s contractions that I had had for weeks.  They did an ultrasound and declared the baby and my uterus looked great and they estimated the baby’s weight to be 6 lbs 10 oz. I was getting ready to go home when the contractions started. These were different. The emergency doctor came in and checked me. He said I was now dilated to a 2 and the blood work showed that I might have a tear in my uterus so I should be prepared to have a baby. They were going to admit me. We called our neighbor and asked if our son could stay the night and I tried to prepare myself to have a baby. My first son had gone full term and I had prepared myself that this one would come at full term too. We were not ready to have a baby and it hurt to breathe from my fall down the stairs. I finally got it into my head that we were going to have a baby in the next day or so. We got checked in and by this time it was late in the night. The monitors were reading hard contractions every 8-10 minutes but I wasn’t progressing at all and the contractions weren’t super painful. About 24 hours after my fall the doctor came in, checked me, and said the blood work came back normal and since I wasn’t progressing, I should just go home until the contractions became painful.  I went home and for a week I was having contractions every 10 minutes. It was so exhausting. But at my next doctor’s visit I still had not progressed at all. I was very discouraged. Then at about 37 weeks, the contractions went away.

During this time I was worried that I would have a big baby. If my baby was 6 lbs 10 oz at 36 weeks, I couldn’t imagine how big he was going to be at full term. At my 39 week visit I was dilated to a 3.5 and I decided to be induced as soon as possible. I had to be given pitocin with my first baby, and I was sure I would need it again, so I might as well be induced earlier rather than later. Well because of a mixup between the doctor and the hospital the earliest they could induce me was three days after my due date, which just happened to be my birthday.

We got to the hospital around 7 am ready to be induced. The night before I had been having contractions that were different, so I asked the nurse if they could check me before they started pitocin. I really didn’t want pitocin if I didn’t need it. I wanted to go all natural and I know that pitocin makes the contractions harder immediately. They said they had to talk to the doctor about it and they would get back to me. About 9:00 my doctor came in, checked me, said I hadn’t progressed at all, and asked if I wanted her to break my water and see how that went before giving me pitocin. I told her that was what I wanted. She broke my water and left. I asked the nurse if I could walk around and she told me no, I needed to be monitored. I didn’t understand why I needed to be monitored. A couple minutes later a new nurse came in (apparently the other nurse didn’t want to deal with a woman who wanted to go natural) and I asked her if I could walk around. She said of course. Just come back every 15 minutes so that we can monitor a contraction and see if they are getting harder. My husband and I walked around the maternity ward. At first it was just a fun walk with a contraction here or there, but after about an hour, we had to stop so that I could breathe through contractions. At 11:30 they checked me and I hadn’t really made much progress so they said they needed to start pitocin. I knew that I was in labor and I didn’t want pitocin. The contractions were just different and they were hard. The nurse said, “All right I will give you 30 more minutes and then we have to start pitocin."

At my next contraction check 15 minutes later, I decided I was done walking. It just hurt too bad. At about 12:00 they checked me and I was dilated to a 4 so they said I could keep going. In my head I thought, I am only dilated to a 4? I am going to die! I think I better get an epidural! I will wait for 30 minutes and then I am getting an epidural. Then our nurse asked if I was going to get up and move. I said I didn’t know and she asked if she got a say in the matter. I said sure. She told me to get up and move my hips in a slow dance and it would help the contractions. She was right. We were listening to the piano guys Christmas CD during my labor, and so my husband felt like we were just doing some slow dancing. He loved it! The next time they checked me I was dilated to a 5.5, then an 8, then a 9. It all went so fast. When they checked me and I was at an 8 my nurse ran and called the doctor and told her to come over immediately because I was progressing so fast. Then she went outside where a midwife was talking to another nurse and asked her if she would come in because she didn’t think the doctor would get here in time. Well I started pushing as the doctor was running in. I asked if they could see the baby’s head and the nurse asked if I wanted a mirror to see. I said YES! I was so glad I did. It was surreal watching my baby be born. It hurt bad, but it was so wonderful to see him getting closer and closer. After pushing for about 15 minutes the baby’s head came out. I was so relieved to see him and I felt so much relief. I felt so good. I felt like I was done. The doctor looked at me and said, Hannah, you have to keep pushing. Only his head is out. I said that I felt fine, but the doctor convinced me that I needed to push the rest of the baby out. In one or two more pushes my baby was born. My first thought was that he didn’t look anything like his older brother. Tyler was born on my birthday at 2:34 pm and was 9lbs 6 oz and 21 inches long.

Beautiful mama and new baby.

Bringing home a second baby was nothing like bringing home a first. I had all of these imaginations of how hard it would be to have a 16 month old and a newborn. I was really scared. We had just moved to Texas two months before the baby was born and all of mine and my husband’s families live in Utah. I didn’t know anyone here. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. But it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, I love being a mother of two. That doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. Daniel comes and throws balls at Tyler; he kicks Tyler and hits him. He doesn’t understand why he can’t squeal really loud in Tyler’s ear while he is going to sleep. But I didn’t think about the wonderful times that we would have together. I love it when Daniel comes to Tyler and “reads” him a book, or when Daniel gives me a toy to share with Tyler. No, I don’t get to sleep while Tyler sleeps, I feel like I change diapers all the time, and I never have a moment alone, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my boys! I love seeing their smiles. I am excited to see them grow up together. I love being a mom!

Such a sweet family!

Please contact us if you have any questions for Hannah! 

Hannah's Natural Birth Story: Her First

We were expecting our first baby and I was so excited! I was ready for him to be born.

At my 36 week appointment they asked if I wanted them to check if I was dilated because they were already doing the strep B test. They said that usually first time moms are not dilated so it was just my choice. Well my midwife was very surprised when I was dilated to 1.5 and 70% effaced. She told me to try and wait to go into labor for another week so that I was full term, but she wasn’t sure if my baby would wait that long. I went home and called my dad to tell him the exciting news. His response was “Don’t get too excited. Your mom was like this with all of her babies and only once did a baby come early and that was because you were a twin. Just be patient.” That was not what I wanted to hear, but he was right. By my 39 week appointment I was dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced. Every appointment my midwife was surprised that I hadn’t already had my baby.

At 39 ½ weeks I was outside blowing bubbles with my niece and nephew at around 1 pm when I felt a little gush of water. I wasn’t sure if I had peed my pants or if my water broke. Soon after my sister-in-law left with her kids, my husband and I went up to our apartment. I told him my water might have broken, but I didn’t want to go to the hospital unless I was sure. So we sat down and watched a movie. When I stood up after watching the movie there was more of a gush of water, so I knew it was my water that had broken. We got ready and went to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital they checked to make sure my water actually had broken and then checked us in. And we waited…. The contractions never came. At about 5:45 they decided to start me on pitocin. We called my aunt who was going to be our birthing coach. She got there as the contractions were getting hard, which were really soon after they started the pitocin. I really wanted to go naturally. At 6:00 a nurse named Zandy came on shift and she had had a baby naturally less than a year before. She made me commit to her that I did want to go naturally. I will just write what I wrote in my baby’s journal:

“So Zandy came on shift about 6 and that is when real labor started and it hurt! First we just did back pressure during contractions while I was sitting on a birthing ball. Then as they got worse we added hip pressure. So Josh was on one side of me and Zandy was on the other side and they were pushing my hips while Aunt Jenise was pushing on my back. Then they just kept telling me to breath in my nose and out my mouth. I was in control for the first while and then it kept hurting more. Soon I was dilated to a 7 and the nurse called the midwife to hurry down because she was sure the baby was coming soon. Aunt Jenise said she went from this point to pushing in 20 minutes so I was excited to be almost done. I kept asking how long do I have left and they kept saying that you (my baby) would be here soon. Well 20 minutes turned into and an hour and then 2 and you were just not coming. Finally I was dilated to a 9 ¾ but there was just a lip left. That lip kept not leaving. I said that I felt like I needed to push. After a little bit of my midwife telling me not to push, she finally told me it was okay and she would work your head around the lip. During the last half hour before I could push I was in so much pain. I was kneeling on my bed with my arms over the back. I would sleep for the 30 seconds between contractions because I was so tired. I begged for medicine but they said it was too late. At this point I felt help from my mom (she had died 7 years previously). I don’t know how it worked but God let mom come help me and give me physical strength.

Finally I started pushing. It hurt really bad, but at least I felt like I was finally doing something. Then Josh was telling me he could see your head. SO I kept pushing. I wanted to meet you! All of a sudden my midwife told me to stop pushing. I told her I couldn’t stop pushing. Her voice was not panicky, but with more force she said, “Hannah, stop pushing.” I really tried. I told my body to stop pushing, but it didn’t respond. I saw that Josh had a kind of panicked look in his eye and then my midwife said, “Hannah’s not stopping. I guess I will figure this out.” They then told me that your umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around your neck. With the next couple pushes you came out and my midwife maneuvered you through some gymnastic tricks to get the cord off your neck. Why you finally came out I felt the biggest feeling of relief that I have ever felt. It was amazing! I love you so much! I just wanted to hold you. Josh got to cut your umbilical cord and then they took you over and got you breathing and weighed. But you had also swallowed amniotic fluid so you weren’t breathing as you should. So they let me hold you for a second and then they whisked you off to the nursery. During that time my midwife sewed me up. After they determined that you were okay, I finally got to hold you skin to skin.” 

Daniel was born at 11:11 pm and was 8 lbs 5 oz and 21.5 inches long.

For months after having Daniel I would shudder every time I thought about the pain of the last hour or two of labor.  But I would not have traded it for anything. Giving birth was the most amazing experience I have ever felt. I couldn’t sleep for hours after giving birth because I just stared at this amazing baby that we had created. Being a mother is the most worthwhile thing I could ever do!

If you have any questions for Hannah, please send them to us! 
Look for the story of Hannah's second birth on Tuesday!