Co-Sleeping Responses

I'm going to post all the responses I received on Facebook about the recent post about co-sleeping.  This way we can have it here as a reference for anyone who is wondering about it!

MM: I slept    MM: I co-slept with all my babies and loved every minute of it. Makes nursing very easy and baby sleeps better too. Eventually they move into their own beds ( and out of the house), so enjoy it while you can.
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LM: Into their own beds and out of the house at about the same time. (actually just to age 10 or 12.)
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DD: I am a very light sleeper, so it did not work for me.
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JDS: With B we coslept for. Several months - and he developed the need to be cuddled to stay asleep. At 9 mos he was still waking up at least once an hour to make sure mommy was nearby. With Br we moved him into his own crib very quickly (he slept in his car seat for the first month or so). He still wakes up about 3 times a night, but it's to eat not to snuggle (he is almost 7 mos).
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CP: J and I had K sleep in our bed till she was about 4-5 months because nursing every hour to hours sleep habits, it made it so much restful for all of us. Since neither of us are rollers/smokers and so forth it was never a problem. I was going back to work though and K had her own crib and room, so at first we moved her crib into our room. I would nurse her and burp her and rock her to sleep and then place her in her crib that we had placed next to our bed. When we were ready we put the crib in K's room and left both doors open and every noise J or I were getting up to peek in on her, lol That was probably the hardest. Now her being Two shes always slept through the night and in her room since that transition. There are times when shes sick or whatnot that Kylie from time to time will sleep in our bed. Its usually harder for her to get to sleep that way sometimes tho because she wants to play or poke me in the face and tell me where my nose and eyes are 20 times but it give me that sense of "Mommy I Still Need You" with her growing so fast and being so independent now. I think it all depends on a case by case and what you and baby are comfortable with, it will just become routine. Hope this helps! 
16 hours ago · Unlike · 1






                                       

KH: My oldest slept with us until 5 months and then we moved her into a crib in her own room and trained her to sleep through the night. My second slept with us a little longer until about 8 months. The only reason she was longer was because medical reasons. We then moved her into a playpen sharing a room with her sister. They both now sleep through the night and it is wonderful. I could never get a good nights rest having babies sleep with me. In my opinion it is way better for the baby and the parents to sleep separately once they are old enough to sleep through the night of course 
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BC: L slept with us after the last feeding of the night every night until she stopped breastfeeding. When the breastfeeding stopped, so did the cosleeping.
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SAS: The boys have always slept in their own cribs in the room next to us--we had no room for them in our bed even if I wanted them there! I was way too worried about their safety to even try nursing them in bed. I was afraid I'd fall asleep with them. Not to mention, I have no idea how you'd manage alone time with your spouse...if you know what I mean.. but I know people figure it out!
13 hours ago · Unlike · 3






                                       

AOS: I don't co-sleep. With both our boys we had them sleep in a craddle in our room for a few months and then moved them to their own room. Co-sleeping makes me nervous with suffocating them by accident. I know that their are products to help with that, but I also don't want them to become dependent on co-sleeping to sleep well. I know people that had a really hard time getting their kids to sleep in their own beds after co-sleeping, but I also know people who had no problems at all. So it is a personal choice. I also like the fact that we put the kids to bed in their own rooms and I have a space for me and the hubby. I personally like having them in their own room, we move them by 2 months because I am ready for my own space. Anyways, sorry I made this a novel. It is a really personal choice, but I personally like not co-sleeping. It has worked for us.
11 hours ago · Unlike · 2






                                       

JHP: Not knocking it, but I personally was not a fan of co sleeping. When A was first born L had the night shift and was working a lot, so it was just me and her at home during bed time. Still, if I ever co slept with her it was only out of complete exhaustion and during breastfeeding. It probably happened about three times, but for me personally I liked the peace of mind that I would never be so tired I would roll on her, or the blankets etc would suffocate her while she was in bed with me. I slept better to because I wasn't waking up as stressed out to check her whatever. I also liked having my own space and not feeling like if I needed to change positions or go to the bathroom that she would wake up. I also loved/hated that bc I had to physically get up to help her I felt alert enough to meet her needs. But at least everything I've been told by my health care professionals has told me no co sleeping; that you can underestimate how tired you can be and how alert you are or are not in these circumstances, so you can never be to safe. I like to err on the side of caution in my personal situation. And now A knows that her crib is where she sleeps at bed time, and she's fine with it. But again-this is all just my experience.
10 hours ago · Unlike · 1






                                       

                     HHD (ME):  wow thanks everybody!! this was such a great response and im glad to hear the different perspectives! how do you guys feel about the safety issue of baby being in the other room, like O mentioned in this post? that's something im struggling with...worrying about her being too far away. we have a lower level apt and the windows are at ground level on the outside. so i just worrying about things like spiders and weirdos outside and such. also A used to start throwing up in her sleep and it makes me nervous to think that i might not hear it. we have a baby monitor but im still wary of having her too far. plus i miss her. any thoughts?
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                    EMG: Well being a seasoned mom of 5 I would say go for it if you want (sometimes it's a lifesaver when you're breastfeeding every few hours) but stop at about 2 to 3 months or they'll always want or need you in the night and it will break your heart to send them back to their own bed in tears. Best to do it while they're infants.
8 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1






                                      

EMG: B currently sleeps in our bedroom in a portacrib. About 5 or 6 she'll come into our bed for some morning cuddles. Win-win!
8 hours ago via mobile · Like






                    AO:  There are a lot of really great moniters, they can get pricey, but you can't get ones that have cameras and stuff. My kids didn't have the throwing up problem. H had it one when he had the stomach flu and i slept on his floor so i could be near, but that was for a few nights, im sure sleeping on the for every night would not be fun. If your are concerned about being far away you could have bassinet in your room. That way she is close, but not in your bed. Like i said before, we move them out of our pretty fast, but check on them often. We check on them a few times while we are still up and then whoever is last to bed does another check. And then i am up every few hours to feed T so i peek in on H.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like






                                       

                     KHG: O slept in our room for the first year if our marriage in a bassinet. On the occasional night she did sleep outside of our room, I was a little worried about her, but I got over it quickly. It was really nice when J and I got our own room back. The nights when O got sick, we just checked on her more often or slept out on the couch with her.
about an hour ago via mobile · Like






                                       

BC: L started sleeping in her own room sometime between 4 and 6 weeks. We did that because every single slight sound she made woke me up. She actually slept for longer stretches in her own room, probably since I didn't freak out with every noise. However, having her in her own room did make night time feedings more of a pain. Really the only reason we even coslept after the last feeding was because it was usually about an hour before I was going to get up and I was too lazy to get up twice.
10 minutes ago via mobile · Like






                                        

Danielle's Story: All About Adoption

I'm not really sure where to start. We have been married for almost 11 years. I've never been very sentimental or sappy. Not that it's bad to be, I'm just not. I also have a hard time writing about emotion, since I don't have a good emotional memory, and mostly I just lack the right words. But I guess I can start from when we started our successful adoption process. I tried writing about everything leading up to it, but a lot of it is personal and would take a book to explain. Also, sorry if this is disjointed. There's a little guy distracting me as I try to write.

We always knew we wanted a family, but for lots of reasons knew it would be difficult to have children biologically. After having little success through one "affordable" adoption agency and deciding against (at least at this time in our lives) the foster to adopt option, we decided to meet with an adoption attorney who came highly recommended to us. She worked often with an attorney in Arizona, which has favorable adoption laws.

Upon our first meeting, she told us we were in luck because she had a baby who was already born and we were the perfect couple because of where we lived. The baby was 29 weeks old, had an older sibling who had been adopted and lived nearby, and the birth mother wanted her second child to be near the first. Long story short, there were too many unknowns and too many other people involved so it just didn't work out.

Adoption can be tricky and take a very long time. There are may options, some more expensive than others. It takes time to sift through, and try out many of different options, discover that it doesn't work for you, then research and try the next. So needless to say, unless you're rolling in the dough, it's not always easy if you want to adopt an infant.

Then, in early June, I had a call asking if we would be interested in a Navajo baby boy that was due in September. I got really excited! "Yes!" I thought right away, but I needed to check with my husband. I called him right up and we decided we wanted to be considered. I suddenly really wanted this baby. All of the other potential babies we had been presented with would have all been fine, but this one really interested me. I don't know why, it just felt good.

In just a few days we received notification that the birth mother had picked us!! We were surprised, excited and nervous. Past experience taught us not to count your eggs before they hatch, so we were hesitant to get excited. It would be a long time before he was born, and the birth mother could change her mind for any reason, at any time.

So we waited. Every two weeks or so we'd talk with the birth mom on the phone. She had 2 older children from previous relationships and was just not in a position to take care of another child at that time. She wanted to meet us before the baby was born, and rightly so! I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to try to choose someone to raise your child. She clearly loved this baby very much, and wanted the best for it.

We traveled to Phoenix to meet her for the first time. Getting there was an adventure. We were to fly out the evening before our meeting and of course the flight was cancelled. They loaded us all onto a hot plane for 2 hours, only to tell us it was broken so we all got off. Luckily they flew in a plane (4 hours later) to get us to Atlanta (where we spent more time trying to get a hotel than we actually slept in it), and finally made it to Phoenix with only 10 minutes until the meeting.

It was really nice. We spent the morning having breakfast with her and her social worker (all birth moms have one through this agency) and her sister and son. We then were able to go to one of her doctor's appointments and hear the baby's heartbeat. She was insistent that we feel involved in her experience and we were grateful that she wanted us to be a part of it. Many situations you just fly in for the birth and fly out, so it was nice to get to know her and see that she wanted us to feel included. We spent the next day exploring a museum with her and her son. It was a lot of fun and a good way to get to know her.

Then it was back to New Hampshire for more waiting. We felt our meeting with the birth mother went well. She was very kind and beautiful. Her kids were adorable so we knew this baby would be! Not that it really matters, but trust me, when you're working with a ton of unknowns on a thing that's entirely out of your control, anything "known" is good.

We knew the baby was due on September 7, and the birth mother really waned us to be there for it. All signs pointed to an early delivery so we returned to Phoenix on August 31 to wait some more. We waited and waited and nothing. So another meeting was arranged to spend some tine with the birth mother. On the day of the 4th of September we had lunch together and joked about ways to start labor.

Well, that night we had a call from the social worker around 7:30pm telling us to stay tuned, as she was heading to the hospital soon. Mexican food must have worked ;). We waited for confirmation and around 10:30pm, we got the call to head in--she was in labor!!!

Now I'm personally not a fan of hospitals and medical things, (they creep me out!) so going to witness a delivery, I wasn't quite sure what to think. I could barely watch "A Baby Story" on TLC. But I sucked it up and made it through.

Our mom made having a baby look easy. When we arrived she was definitely uncomfortable and her contractions were giving her a lot of pain. Enter the epidural. She got one and immediately went to sleep. We crowded together on a little bench to wait. By 5am, she was at 8 cm. They gave her some Pitocin to move things along and by 6am she was ready to go. Since she couldn't feel anything they did a test push and the baby almost came right out then! The delivery crew was called in and at the next contraction, out he came!! One push!!! Amazing! The whole thing was just amazing, I can't describe it. Even if she changed her mind and decided to keep him, I couldn't blame her and was glad that, not only did I not pass out, I found the whole experience marvelous to see.

As soon as he was out, they called my husband over to cut the cord, another experience we never thought he'd have. It was so wonderful that she was willing to be so open with us, and make this our experience. I was torn between being with the baby and staying with his mother. Tears were shed by all.

Graham came into the world with a full head of hair and full lungs! He didn't waste anytime screaming at the top of them. He weighed 8 pounds 4 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. He was also born with a club foot.

While we didn't know about this congenital defect, it didn't make us love him any less, and in fact, we believe it helped the birth mother solidify her decision to give him to us, since it was one more thing she was not currently equipped to deal with. And with club feet it's important to have regular, consistent treatment, which can be expensive.

We then got the spend the next 2 nights and days in the room with the baby and the birth mother. We got to know her more and spend precious time together. We also got to meet some more of her family members. Many of them did not understand her choice, but she did not allow anyone to chide her for it. She was determined to give her son a life that she could not herself. And for that we will be eternally grateful.

Leaving the hospital was quite emotional. Our happiest day, probably her worst. Tears were, once again, shed by all.

AZ adoption laws allow termination of parental rights to be signed 72 hours after birth. But because he was a Native American, we had to wait 10 days and have an ICWA hearing!! Include the weekend, and we had to wait 12 days before he was officially ours, during which time the birth mom could pull out.

It sounds like this story is perfect, and everything just fell into place. In hindsight, it really did. Even leading up to it, we felt things "working out", but we still couldn't get our hopes up. Due to the distance of travel (to and from AZ twice) and the time needed to try to be there for the birth, then to wait for papers to be signed we spent about a month total in Arizona. We had an awesome support in our social worker as well. She held us all together.

Everything leading up to it was an emotional roller coaster. We were invested in this emotionally and financially and if it failed, we would lose on both. The birthmother, while ultimately sincere, was also trying to benefit from the arrangement, and a few times her motives were questionable and a lot of worry was caused.

In almost any other part of the country this would have been difficult. This is how the Lord works wonders. My husband just happened to have a cousin that he knew well, who lived just outside of Phoenix. He and his wife were due with their baby in November and had just purchased a house not far from their apartment, and their lease was not up until November. So not only did we have an empty apartment (with washer/dryer- essential with a baby) to stay in, we also had some baby stuff to borrow (car seat, bassinet) while we were there. And Target and Walmart were just down the road for the other bare essentials. My mother-in-law also lives just a short flight away and had just received a ton of unexpected vacation days from work, so she was able to come down and help out. So not only were our already high expenses reduced, we had family nearby for help and support. I forgot to mention I have 2 sisters who had baby boys just 3 weeks before- so he has 2 cousins the same age!

It is amazing how many things had to fall into place for this to work. Sure, we had to wait 5 years from when we started hoping for adoption, but it allowed us to save the funds we needed to make it happen. We had to go through a lot of trial and error before we had success. But through that trial we learned a lot, and got to know a lot of people who were able to give us advice and guide us in this direction. It also was time which created the situation for this baby to be placed with us. All of it is so amazing.

Through this experience I hope I learned a little bit of trust and patience. It did strengthen my testimony of prayer. We literally felt the love and support of friends and family who were praying and fasting for us. It was indescribable.

And now we have this beautiful boy to love and protect. We will do our best to make sure he knows how much his birth mother loved him. We want him to know about his culture and his family in Arizona. But the most wonderful thing will be when the adoption is finalized by the state of NH (6 months after placement) and he can be sealed to us for time and all eternity! It will be the best day ever!

Such a happy boy!

Danielle did not ask us to post this, but I'm going to in case there are people out there with giving hearts. Adoption (and having children in general) is a huge financial toll on any family. If you have $5 or $10 to spare, please consider donating to Danielle's family via this link to help them out. Just think about how fast they would reach their goal if everyone gave just $5 or $10. Think about it! And ask yourself if you've done any good in the world today yet. If not, here is a prime opportunity!

If you have any questions for Danielle about adoption or something else, please comment or let us know!

Co-Sleeping: Olivia's Thoughts

I loved yesterday's post about one of the world's most famous mothers, Mary. If you missed it, check it out here (it was really good). 

This post is one I wrote on my own personal blog, but it was so fitting and I wanted to get more in-put from another, possibly greater, audience. 

Our daughter Tenley is a great sleeper. Dalin and I have gotten into the unfortunate habit of going to bed between 11pm and midnight regularly (at least we've done away with those one or two in the morning nights from our newlywed days), but so far it has worked great. We put Tenley to bed around 9 or 9:30pm. She nurses just before, then I place her in the bassinet in her room (which you enter through our room) and I don't have to get up until she wakes me between four and six in the morning. At that point, I go in and get our little munchkin, then she joins us on our bed--right between us--and we (she and I) fall asleep while I feed her. This routine allows Dalin and I get a few hours to ourself before bed. Then Dalin gets up, depending on the day, at about six or seven in the morning, and it is around then that I usually feed Tenley again. Then she and I sleep in until nine or so. At that point, she usually needs to be changed (ASAP!) or she pees our bed or worse, has a blowout (like yesterday). It's not a perfect routine, but it allows me plenty of rest. A few times, Tenley has even slept through the night, sleeping six or seven hours straight.

The thing that is hard to understand is how a person so small can take up so much of our bed. I'm not kidding when I say I think she has more space than either Dalin or I do. I've woken up very close to the edge of our Queen sized bed and nearly slipped off. Dalin and I know the risks of co-sleeping (not that they apply to everyone--my brothers and I all co-slept with our parents and we all survived) and we wonder about it a lot because the idea of something happening to Tenley is scary. I'm not worried about either of us accidentally rolling on her anymore as we've realized we're both very aware of her in our bed. But I do worry about a pillow covering her face and her not moving or crying to alert us. We are very careful about those things of course, but the trouble isn't that we can't get her to sleep in her bed, but that we miss her when she is in her own bed. Just last night, Dalin and I put her down in her bassinet in her room, then we visited her a few times to look at her, check on her, and give her kisses. Dalin said, "We need to get one of those co-sleeper things." And I said, "I know, I agree. It would be nice if she slept in her bed all night (if I took the time to put her back in there after I fed her) but I miss her when she isn't with us." And Dalin kind of laughed and said, "I know, me too."

It is hard for us to be away from our sweet girl. She is so snuggly and there is something about watching your own baby asleep that makes you feel so good inside. There is also the worry about her being alone, cold, and any other number of things. Example: the other day when I brought Tenley in her room to be changed, I saw a BIG GRAY SPIDER on the wall right next to her bed. I never thought of myself as super afraid of spiders, but saying so would be inaccurate now. Somehow the fear has worsened with age (despite all I know about spiders, they're just gross and I've heard too many horror stories) and this has prevented me from being the one to kill them. (I don't like killing any bug really though...the crunching sound they make when squished is what bothers me most.) I usually scream for Dalin who sighs and gets a tissue. But at this particular time, Dalin wasn't around and I did not want to take my eye off the nasty thing because there was NO WAY IN HECK that spider was going to live and possibly get into my daughter's bed and bite her in the night. So I manned up and got a tissue and, after mentally preparing myself, smashed the darn thing.

Anyway, the point is, that unknown things could happen to her while she isn't under our constant watch and that scares us! We still feel like we have freedom in our current routine so we are debating whether or not to change it, but ideally I would like to foster her sense of independence by having her regularly sleep from at least ten to six a.m. in her own bed.

So my question for you is: 
What do you think? What worked for your children? What is your opinion about co-sleeping?

Mary, mother of Jesus

As this Christmas season begins the person that has been on my mind lately is Mary, the mother of Jesus.  We know of her purity because she was the person chosen by God to be the mother of the Savior.  We know of her obedience because she accepted this call without a moment’s hesitation.  We know of her humility because she did all the hard things God asked her to do.

All of these attributes sure do make one amazing woman.  But there is another one she had that I would like to focus on and take a lesson from as a mother: that is her enduring strength, or more importantly her strength to endure.  I can only imagine what pregnancy must have been like atop a donkey or the incredible discomfort that must’ve come with giving birth in a stable.  Personally both of those things were hard enough for me from the comfort of my own home and a nice clean hospital room.  Even before that she endured the scorn of her community as she was judged for being an unmarried woman with child.  And then after Jesus was grown she saw him, her son, nailed to a cross for the sins of the world.

The pain- physical, mental, and emotional- that must have accompanied each of these situations must’ve been almost more that she could bear.  And yet she bore them.  And now, through her we have a Savior who died for us.

My mom told me once that motherhood “fills you with an inexplicable love that gives you super human strength.”  Against all odds you care for your children in every possible way you can.  It requires great sacrifice sometimes to bear all the things motherhood requires.  And yet we can bear it because of that super human strength that Heavenly Father gives to all mothers.  In my mind Mary is perhaps the best and most beautiful example of that strength and power, that ability to endure.

A fellow mother in the blogging world said this:

“As a mother, having experienced the birth of my own children, passing through both the sorrows and joys of raising them, now being witness to my own daughters becoming mothers; having set themselves upon their own, very personal, journeys into Motherhood, I can only contemplate, with deep emotion, the life of Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ -- our Savior and Redeemer.  To me, Mary is a sacred symbol, as well as spiritual evidence, to all of mankind, of the worth and dignity of the sacred calling of every woman, as a mother. As we study the life of Mary, the mother of the Savior of the world, the pattern of motherhood is clearly marked.” (http://wellbehavedmormonwoman.blogspot.com/2012/05/like-mary-mother-of-jesus.html)

If you get discouraged in motherhood sometimes, as I’m sure many of us do, remember Mary and that super human strength she had.  And remember that you have it too. 

In her life I’m sure she was a great many things- a daughter, a sister, a cook, maybe a worker- but to all the world she will always be known first and foremost as a mother.  It is her identity and it is now mine too.