Hillary's "Mommy Must Haves"

When my sister had her baby she did a blog post about her “mommy must haves.”  She and I have since talked about the different things that do and don’t work for each us and our babies.  So here is a list of my “mommy must haves” and why they have worked for us:

1.  Nipple shield- This little device has made life SO much easier for Audrey and I with breastfeeding.  She had a hard time with feedings when we were still in the hospital but when the lactation consultant gave us this it was pretty much smooth sailing.  If your baby has a hard time breastfeeding look into getting one of these to help him or her start out.  We were lucky to get ours free from the hospital but they are between $5 and $10 at Target in the baby section.

I was thinking I wouldn’t post a picture of it but then decided that if this blog is for info and support for moms I might as well be as un-shy as possible. (don't worry though, we wont get too explicit)

2.  White noise- This has been a complete life saver.  It amazes us every time we use it.  When Audrey is having a particularly hard time and we can’t figure out what to do (which happened a lot while she was colicky), we turn this on and within minutes (sometimes seconds) she is either asleep or calm enough for us to help her.  It’s seriously like magic.  I was able to demonstrate this magic when my friend Kelsey was over one night and she was very surprised at how quickly it worked.  It’s especially been very helpful when Audrey is hungry but too upset to eat.  That’s such a hard situation because we know what will make her feel better but she can’t calm down enough for it.  Enter this white noise video.  She slowly calms down, eats, and emerges from her meal a very happy girl.  I highly recommend trying it.

3.  Baby bath- We went without one for awhile but life became a lot easier when we got one.  We really like it because it helps us feel more confident while bathing Audrey.  She always is SO slippery with the soap on her and it scares me think of something bad happening.  I know other moms who don’t feel the need for it, but it’s been a must have for us.

about $20 at Walmart.  ours is blue :) 

4.  Mobile- This has been another lifesaver- for our arms and backs.  For awhile the only way Audrey was okay with being out down was in her crib under the mobile.  I wish we had set it up sooner than we did.  We just had no idea how much she would love it.  It keeps her entertained longer than anything else, which allows me to get stuff done around the house.  And the cuteness of her talking and laughing at the animals is another major plus.

5.  Baby seat/bed- I don’t even know what this is really called but we refer to it as “the yellow thing.”  This is also Audrey’s bed.  We can drag it from room to room but at night it’s right next to our bed.  When she starts to stir and get upset at night I can just reach over half asleep and rock her back to sleep in it.  I also bring it in the kitchen sometimes (when the mobile is not doing it for her) and give her some toys.  She’ll sit contentedly for a little while.  And sometimes ‘a little while’ is enough for me to get something done.  It’ll be pretty sad when she gets too big for it.  (couldn't find a picture because I don't know what it's called!)

6.  Swaddlers- Swaddling with a blanket is important to learn, but these make it easy to do and harder for baby to bust out of.  These little things are great.  You wrap your baby up nice and tight in it and it helps them calm down and feel cozy.  I’ve heard that the tighter the better because it helps them, especially newborns, remember being in the womb where it was warm and compact.  Not to mention how much easier they are to carry without limbs flying and falling everywhere.  There have been times where Audrey was screaming as loud as she could and once we wrapped her up she was able to calm down.  There is a video called “The Happiest Baby on the Block” where this and other techniques are used to trigger what they call the “calming reflex” in babies.  It’s a good video, definitely check it out if your baby is colicky or just having a hard time.

7.  Saline drops and bulb syringe- Audrey had some breathing issues when she was born and part of it had to do with mucus build up, I believe.  The bulb syringe is something I think every mom knows about, but Saline drops are less well known.  What it does is help thin the mucus so that it drips out or comes out much more easily with the bulb syringe.  So very helpful when baby is congested.

So those are a few of the main things that have helped me in motherhood so far.  Obviously as Audrey gets bigger this list will probably completely change (right now Audrey is 4 months old and some of them have already become obsolete), but so far these are the things that have helped us keep our baby girl happy and healthy.  

What are some of your "mommy must haves?"

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15 Things They Don't Tell You

For all you pregnant ladies out there, here are some things for you to know about giving birth and post-partum care. I'm certainly no expert, but I read enough stuff to know what information is actually useful. You've all read about the sleepless nights and intensity of labor. But I want to share a more positive (but still realistic) perspective. I go into great detail in some areas, so this is more of a "women only" post. Unless your wife has already given birth, in which case, you'll understand.

1. First off, it's wonderful and possibly the best moment of your life. I loved giving birth, as you can read about right here, and would do it again in a heartbeat. It's so totally and completely worth it, no matter what you go through to get there. That first time you hold your little baby after he or she's out, you'll understand. Apart from my wedding day, I didn't know if I'd ever been happier. And it was a close call. So just know that what you go through is worth it. And if you're positive about it like I was, you might even love it.

2. You might just pee, poop, or throw up while giving birth. It stinks (ha ha, pun NOT intended), but it can happen. But the good news is, it might not! None of those things happened to me. And like anyone, I had been fearing it tremendously. Throwing up usually happens because the epidural can make you feel pretty nauseous (not enough to scare me away from getting it again though!) but my nausea wasn't any worse than the morning sickness I'd experienced during my first trimester. As you'll hear a thousand times over, if any of these things should happen to you, don't worry--doctors have seen it all, and more good news: you might not even know if you do. I had to ask after because I had no idea what was happening down there, (and honestly, it sure felt like something happened) but apparently nothing did. And even more good news: I can almost 100% guarantee you won't give a crap (ha ha, not funny) if it does happen. You might, like me, even want it to happen. During my labor, the pressure on my rectum (gross word) was so intense that I felt like I was experiencing the worst constipation in my entire life and at the time, I just wanted to feel relieved from that pressure. You just get to the point where you accept that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and nothing matters but getting that baby out! So, basically, Hakuna Matata. No worries.

3. While in labor and for a while after giving birth, you might shake. Like a lot. I kind of looked like I was freezing to death. Or having a mini-seizure. But I felt fine--I just could not control my arms, hands, or jaw! My teeth chattering was the most annoying thing. It affected my speaking. Everyone kept asking if I was cold, but I wasn't. I just couldn't stop. I think I heard someone call these "labor shakes" (makes sense) and other than being really annoying, they aren't a big deal. If I remember correctly, they're caused by adrenaline, and are really nothing to worry about. Just anticipate them because a lot of women get them.

4. At first, while pushing, you will probably feel like you CAN'T DO IT. That is how my mom felt, that is how I felt, and I'm positive that is how countless other women felt when they began pushing. It seems impossible. It is impossible. It makes no sense to me that an 8lb 3oz baby came out of such a small place. Even now, three months later, I occasionally find myself wondering how our baby came out of me. You'll find yourself, as I have, holding your son or daughter on your belly and wondering how he or she possibly could have fit inside you. It makes no logical sense, but somehow it's possible. It's a miracle. An infinite number of women have had and will continue to have babies. You can do it. When the doctor got a mirror and I saw how little a circle of my daughter's head was visible when I was pushing at my very hardest, I thought, She is never coming out. I might have even said it aloud. My doctor thought I might have to go with a C-section, she was so stuck. I didn't give up, and with the help of forceps, she finally came out--very cone-headed, but perfectly fine. When you are in that moment of despair, keep the thought in the back of your head that you can do it. You have to. That baby can't stay in there forever even though it seems like it. And if you end up having a C-section, don't worry and DON'T feel bad. Don't let anyone make you feel like your birth experience was less special or less right because you did it differently. That's what my doctor had to tell me when I was feeling frustrated that I wasn't going to have the natural, epidural-free birth I wanted. But you know what? Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Except maybe I'd have asked that we could try the forceps sooner than four hours...

5. Your baby will look like an alien when he or she comes out. So don't be freaked out. Some babies are gray, some are purple, some are pink, some are covered in blood, and ALL are soaking wet and not as sweet as you might have pictured. Tenley had the hugest cone-head from being in the birth canal for four hours. I didn't have time to process it at the time though because they immediately set her down to be measured, washed up, and swaddled. Then, when they did hand her to me, they had put a hat on her head which covered up the worst of it. When I saw her cone-head uncovered later that night, I was worried for her (mainly for the sake of her future), but it went down significantly by the next day and even more so in the days that followed. At three months, Tenley's head looks completely normal to me. You, like me, might not think that most just born babies are that pretty to look at, but I am certain that nothing will look more beautiful to you than your own baby.

6. For a while, you will be VERY swollen down there. It is not pretty. In fact, it's really ugly. My swelling lasted maybe four days, which I think is longer than normal, but I also pushed REALLY HARD for four hours. And that isn't normal (so don't worry). But I'll tell you, the first time I used the bathroom after giving birth--with the help of my nurses because I couldn't walk by myself--I looked down and was like WOAH. I seriously did not recognize myself. But the nurses assured me that swelling was normal, though mine was worse than most. I don't want to go into detail, but basically I was kind of really grossed out about how things looked for a few days. Luckily, the nurses encourage you to take lots of hot baths while you're at the hospital (and when you go home) which really helps. It feels amazing. I took four or five baths and was encouraged to take more while there but I wanted to be with my husband and baby.

7. Going to the bathroom is different for a while. This I had not known. It makes sense, but my mind was in other places when I thought about birth. My experience will surely be unique from your own, but hopefully this will help prepare you. After the epidural wore off, the nurses removed the catheter (which is kind of cool but really weird--in case you don't know, it catches your pee and is like a little straw that they insert you-know-where, then they inflate a tiny bubble when it's in so it stays there. I could feel when it was in--it didn't hurt, but it was obvious that something was there. I could also feel it catching my pee. That sounds weird, but I couldn't control it, and it just kind of constantly flowed into a little bag until they removed it) and then escorted me to the bathroom. Note: I could hardly walk, A) because the epidural hadn't worn off 100%, B) I was exhausted, and C) I must have twisted my leg while pushing because one of the joints of my leg was hurting and it was really hard to walk on it, so the nurses basically dragged/carried/completely supported me while I walked limped like zombie/wooden soldier/cowboy toward the bathroom. I kept apologizing to them, mostly because I felt bad and was embarrassed because I was dripping blood on the floor and because I felt completely weak and helpless, but they were so nice and understanding because it is of course their job to help you in such a situation. The nurse even helps you um...clean yourself, after you use the bathroom. Mostly because it becomes a kind of complicated routine for the next week or two. They give you these horribly un-cute mesh undies to put on, and put the biggest sanitary pad you've ever seen in your life down on them. Then they put a glove filled with ice cubes into a sock and put that thing down on the pad, then they put little circular witch hazel pads down on the sock, then, once you've gone as much as you can (I peed a lot, and though it is scary to go number 2--especially if, like me, you received stitches--try to be brave and go if you can because you'll feel worse if you hold it in--and hopefully they've given you stool softener pills to take--I took some a few days prior to my scheduled induction because a friend wisely advised me to do so), they will fill a little squirt bottle for you with warm to hot water and you use that to clean yourself. I had no idea about this until a few days beforehand, but the hot water feels amazingly soothing. I love that bottle thing. Once you've watered yourself down, you can use toilet paper to very gently pat dry (it's pointless to do so though because you're going to feel wet for a few days anyway) and then they spray you and your witch hazel pads with a numbing spray, (which I did not think numbed that well, but oh well) and THEN you pull your underwear up with the pad, ice pack, and witch hazel pads in them and limp bow-legged back to bed. As you can see, using the bathroom becomes quite the process for a couple of weeks, but gradually you eliminate the ice pack and move to smaller pads, then stop using the spray and witch hazel pads until you're just using regular pads and (if you want to) using the spray bottle until your stitches have dissolved.

8. The bleeding might not be as bad as people say. For me, after the fourth day, my bleeding went down to less than the heaviest day of my period. I was kind of worried at first because everyone said the flow will be heavy for two weeks, but mine wasn't. In fact, it was hardly anything for the next few weeks. It did not go away completely until about five weeks, but it certainly was not what I'd been told to anticipate. A few times, the blood was brown or a chunk (sorry) would come out, but nurses reassured me that was all normal. The solid pieces that fall out are blood clots and small ones are normal. The only thing that is worrisome is if the bleeding increases or turns to gushing, or if you lose a clot the size of your fist (the size of your fist, you ask? Remember a whole baby came out of you). But everything else is pretty normal. It was kind of like having a long but light period. Everyone is different, but you might not bleed as much as you think.

9. Your belly will still be much larger than you'd think afterward. It's unfortunate, and I kept hoping that wouldn't be the case for me but it was. Your belly will feel really weird, too. It weirded me out to push on the flabby thing that it had become because it feels kind of like jello. Or like one of those memory foam mattresses because when you push on it, it slowly fills in again. Thankfully, it's very temporary and the first week or two are by far the worst. Which brings me to my next point--

10. Breastfeeding is a miraculous weight-loss exercise. Everyone says so, but I didn't know how true it was until I was at a month post-partum and (much to my surprise) was feeling close to my normal self without having done virtually ANY other exercises. If you can breastfeed, DO IT. I know it is hard for many women for various reasons, but be persistent for a few weeks and if it gets easier (like it should for most women), keep going! I am definitely not anti-formula, but I am pro-breastfeeding. It's good for your baby and for you and it's free. Also, I am not sure how common it is for nurse's to offer this (mine did), but ask for a nipple shield. It's this thin, clear plastic thing that protects your sensitive skin and it makes nursing a bazillion times easier. I think the shield is only intended to be used for a few weeks until the baby gets used to nursing, but I still use mine because it's just so much easier! As a result, I've never had soreness or dryness or any of those things you read about and I attribute it to this amazing invention, which you can view here (I believe they're $9 at Wal-Mart. Worth it a million times over). And though lanolin cream is amazing, I haven't ever actually needed to use it because of the shield. More about breastfeeding: as you are probably aware if you've read any books, the stuff your baby gets from you the first several days is a fatty substance called colostrum (or first milk). I know for me, I worried my baby wasn't getting enough to eat because the stuff doesn't exactly flow out like milk. But that's normal. Around day four or five post-partum, my milk came in. And I KNEW it. I had been wondering the days before if the change in colostrum was milk. But when it happened, it was very obvious (and very white). It seriously happened overnight. I woke up and my breasts were HUGE. Like so big, I was disgusted (I hate big boobs, especially on me). And it wasn't long before the leaking began. Yes, you leak. If you're like me, you'll leak a lot. That was the worst thing for me for a while. I woke up a few nights in a huge puddle of milk. It felt like I'd wet my bra and shirt. But after a couple of weeks, my body regulated itself and things got a lot easier and a lot less wet. Also, in case you didn't know (because I know I didn't), when you nurse on one side, you leak on the other side. That's where these babies come in handy. If you intend to breastfeed, I personally think these breast cups are must-haves for a few reasons. If you're wondering what you do with them, it's pretty simple. While you nurse on one side, you put a cup over your nipple on the other side to catch the leaking milk. During my first two weeks or so, I would fill the other cup (they would actually overflow) with milk, which I decided to save in a sanitized bottle to store for later. I truly don't know how moms even want to breastfeed without these things. They save you from tons of messes and from spending tons of money on nursing pads which get expensive! By the way, if and when you do getnursing pads, I strongly advise getting Johnson's. I hated all of the other types I tried (and I tried like four other types because ladies gave me some). Another useful tool while breastfeeding is a nursing pillow. I've heard great things about the "Boppy" pillow, but I got mine for FREE (other than shipping!) by signing up for a free account at Motherhood Maternity (they sent me home with tons of amazing coupons include a code to get a free nursing pillow!). Here is the link to the site where I got mine (I have the red Starry Night one). I could spend an entire post on breastfeeding but the point is, there are tons of great tools and resources out there to make breastfeeding a lot easier for you. The hospital will likely offer you the chance to visit with a nursing specialist and give you plenty of pamphlets on places you can go to get help with breastfeeding. Plus the people at WIC arereally pro-breastfeeding and have lots of free resources to help new moms. You can do it! It can be hard, but it's worth it!

11. The first two weeks are the worst. It gets better. I remember feeling so discouraged about my body and thinking I'd never be the same again. I was swollen and lumpy and did not feel very cute. But like I mentioned, by one month postpartum, I couldn't believe how much better I felt. I was almost back to normal--or at least, feeling normal. Going to the bathroom was less complicated. I began to have hope that I would be able to reach my pre-pregnancy weight sooner than I'd anticipated. My stitches had finally dissolved completely. Just plan for those first two weeks to be hard. Expect it. But remember that they will be over before you know it and you'll feel SO much better. You will be able to wipe again normally! You can get through it!

12. Stretch marks can appear after you've had the baby. It stinks, but it happened to me. I had only a few small stretch marks on my butt and hips before Tenley was born. But after, I got them on the upper part of the back of my thighs, bigger ones on my butt and hips, and even under my breasts, which I was not expecting. When you gain or lose a lot of weight really quickly, that's what happens. It doesn't happen to everyone--my sister-in-law I'm pretty sure only got a few on her butt--and some lucky ladies don't get any, but try to think of them as little marks of proof that you've created a miracle. Fortunately for LDS women, they're usually in places that no one but your husband will ever see anyway. And they do fade quite a bit within a year. Mine kind of look like tiger claw marks. Even though it may be hard at first (truthfully, it was for me), embrace those purply-pink stripes because if you want more kids, you'll more than likely get them. And to me, if a few marks are the cost of creating a human being, they're totally worth it.

13. You're going to be given a lot of useless advice about raising your child. For some reason, when people see children, they can't help but speak their opinion--wanted or not--about how they should be raised. I'm sure many of these people mean well, but what was best for their sister's child or their neighbor's or their own child is NOT necessarily the best for yours. I suggest you plan how you will handle the unwanted suggestions before it happens to you otherwise you might be caught off guard by the outrageousness or rudeness. Personally, I think being kind is the best choice, so I just say, "Oh thank you for telling me your opinion," and let them think they gave me some life-changing advice.

14. YOU know your own child's cries best. You and no one else. Even better than your husband. It's true. Moms just spend so much time around their child that they cannot help but learn their signals and cries. My husband will often say, "Dear, she's hungry!" about our daughter, and I'll reply, "No honey, she's just tired." You really can tell. Sometimes--possibly more often than you'd like--you will feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying. Tenley hardly cries compares to most babies and I still feel overwhelmed at times. But sometimes, babies just cry, and no amount of feeding, burping, walking, or rocking will soothe them. Just remember that it will end. They can't cry forever. If they sense that you're upset or frustrated, it only gets worse. So set your baby down in a safe spot for a few minutes, walk away, cry yourself, calm your nerves down so your baby will sense the change in your body language, check on her, pick her up and hold her close, and say a prayer. Remember that God loves that precious daughter of His and he will help you. To give an example, during one such episode of crying, I felt my frustration and dismay increasing to the point where I wanted to cry myself. Suddenly, I thought, She's Heavenly Father's daughter, too, and He cares about her happiness as much as I do. Then, while still walking around, bouncing Tenley in my arms, I prayed aloud: "Heavenly Father, please help Tenley feel happy. Please let her know she is loved and if she is feeling sick, please help me to know what to do so I can help her." As soon as I'd finished my plea, Tenley stopped crying. Like, right away. I couldn't believe it had happened so immediately, but I thanked Heavenly Father for choosing to answer my prayer directly at that time.

15. It really will feel like it flew by when you look back on it. Everyone says that, but I can't even believe 3 months have passed for me. Especially because I look and feel completely normal. It's still kind of surreal when I see my reflection. I guess other people think I look normal, too. People always ask me, "Whose baby is that?" I'm like, "She's mine," (I'm thinking: Duh, of course, can't you tell? trying not to be annoyed...). Apparently some people think I'm like fourteen, which I'll tell you is more annoying/embarrassing than helpful to my self-esteem. When I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, I mentioned my daughter and the nurse looked surprised and said, "I didn't know you had a baby! You don't look old enough to be married!" (Clearly, she hadn't noticed my wedding rings). I wasn't wearing hardly any make-up at the time, which always makes me look younger, and I would have been bothered if she hadn't added, "You look great for having just had a baby!" That helped. Anyway, I'm sure I'll appreciate compliments like that one day (everyone tells me that I will), but for now I'd like to look twenty-two. The point is, cherish every moment. Take a video at least once a week--you'll miss the newborn sounds and cries when your baby's voice changes. Take a photo every day. I'm serious. No one has ever regretted taking too many pictures of their child. Take baby footprints. And baby handprints. Snuggle your child. Keep a perspective. Think about how much you love those tender moments with your little one and remember that they won't always be as readily available. Memorize her face and the fragrant smell of her hair and skin. Kiss your child until your lips are chapped. There's no such thing as loving your baby too much.

What are some other tips pregnant ladies should know before going into labor? Postpartum?
If you had a different experience than me (but still positive), please share! 

Getting Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night (part 3)- Hillary Thoughts: It's okay to wing it!

When I would ask this question the answer people gave me was always the same- that my baby would do it on her own.  Everyone- friends, family, books, strangers- kept telling me that her schedule would switch eventually and that there was not too much I could do to help it happen other than be patient.  After 2 long sleepless months I was convinced that my baby was just different and would never ever sleep more than 3 hours at a time for the rest of her life!  But now at 4 months I have a little more insight...and I honestly have to say that everyone was right- Audrey just figured it out on her own.  It was definitely gradual, but I do remember waking up one morning and suddenly realizing that I had gotten 7 hours of sleep!  And it got better and better from there.

That was after trying many different things.  Everyone absolutely needs to remember that every baby is different.  We've said it three times, just in this series of posts, and yet it still can't be said enough.  Olivia and I can attest to this- our girls are only a day apart and yet are SO different from each other.  I would also like to add that every mom-and-baby combination is completely different as well.  I think this is a really important thing to remember.  I was often frustrated and self conscious about why my baby was not able to catch on like other babies I was hearing about.  Why wasn't a routine working for us?  Was it my fault?  Am I holding her too much?  Am I not strict or consistent enough?  I was very confused and needless to say, VERY tired.  I finally just gave up on it and determined to put what everyone had said to the test.  I hoped and prayed that she really would figure it out on her own.  Once I let go everything felt easier for me.  I did things my own way.  I still would hold Audrey till she was all the way asleep even though I had been advised time and time again not to.  But it worked for us.  I stopped trying to give her an established bed time even though it was recommended to.  It worked for us.  There were a lot of things I let go of and it made a big difference in my relationship with her.  As Olivia said in her post, we just snuggled and hoped tomorrow would be better.  That was, and sometimes still is, our bedtime routine.

Here are a few tips I have found useful, though- tips on how to help the process along, as well as tips on how to be patient in the meantime:

•  When you get up at night try to keep lights off.  This tip and the next one were already mentioned in the other posts.  It can help baby start to realize it's nighttime and possibly may help her schedule switch.  I've also found that now it helps baby go back to sleep quicker after eating.  (This was not always the case though.  Sometimes when she was awake there was nothing I could do about it and I would drive us both crazy if I kept trying to make her sleep.  Sometimes when a baby is up, they are just up.  This is where patience must come into play.)
•   Also, when you get up at night, try to keep noise level very low.  This may also help baby start to realize that it's nighttime.  This one was hard for me because I liked to have something on the TV.  Subtitles became my best friend.  I would still keep the sound on just very, very low.  And this brings me to my next recommendation which is....
•   Get into a TV show or a movie series.  This way you won't dread getting up as much.  I would recommend making it something you haven't seen before.  For me that made it kind of a treat.  Just think, "If I have to get up at least I get to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls or Downtown Abbey" or whatever it may be.  It helped me so much.  Reading didn't work for me and being on the computer to kill time didn't either because Audrey wanted to be held and walked around most of the time when she was up at night after eating.  This is why the TV was my friend- because it was hands free.
•   Don't try keeping baby up longer during the day so that they'll sleep at night.  It can backfire because an overly tired baby is MUCH harder to calm down.  Let them nap during the day as normal, just don't let it go too terribly long.

Those are the things that seemed to help for me personally.  I don't actually know if keeping the lights off and the sound low contributed at all to her starting to sleep through or if it was just because she got older.  They helped me keep my sanity, though, which is a very important thing for a mom.  I think that keeping yourself healthy enables you to keep your baby healthy.  

Now, at four months old, Audrey sleeps between 9 and 13 hours at night, occasionally getting up for a feeding around 4am.  She really did just figure it out.  So, my advice would be to try all the routines and suggestions, but if all else fails don't feel discouraged about winging it.  Do what feels good for you and baby.

What are some different ways you've gotten your baby to sleep?

How do you keep your sanity when baby isn't sleeping well?

Getting Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night (part 2)- Olivia's Thoughts: Establish a Feeding Schedule

After my daughter was born, our doctor gave us a book called: "On Becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep." I read most of it right away and thought the ideas in it sounded great and I knew I definitely would be willing to try them if it became necessary. Basically, the book discusses how a baby's feedings are just as important to establishing good nighttime rest as establishing a routine is. It outlines a series of schedules (in addition to providing a lot of information on the benefits of good rest, etc.) that one can use as a reference for ultimately establishing the "ideal" sleeping schedule. It involves first setting regular times throughout the day to feed your baby. By feeding your baby on a schedule, you are giving him an expectation that at 9am, noon, 3pm, 6pm, etc. he will receive food. It starts off with a schedule detailing about ten feedings a day. After a week or two, a feeding is eliminated. Ultimately, the schedule sets the goal of getting down to three or four feedings a day (of course, by then your child should be old enough that that number is sufficient).

I have started trying to make Tenley's feedings more regular. This means not always feeding "on demand" when she still has an hour until her next meal. I use various distractions to draw that hour out--reading to her, distracting with toys, holding her, walking with her, just anything to keep her mind off eating. When she learns that each day she will be eating at the same hour, she will come to expect it. Tenley still needs one nighttime feeding most nights. After reading and singing to her, and then doing one last feeding, she goes down in her crib--almost always without problem--around 9 or 9:30pm. Sometimes, she will fuss for a few minutes and I leave her alone unless she starts to sound as though she isn't going to be able to calm herself down. Usually, if she starts fussing, she'll fall asleep within fifteen minutes. If she does not stop fussing, or begins to cry, I quietly go into her room, leaving the lights off, find her pacifier, and stick it in her mouth, then sneak back out. Sometimes, I have to repeat this about ten times before it works. She'll keep spitting the pacifier out then get upset. I do not talk to her except to whisper, "I love you," if she is really agitated. Finally, she will take the pacifier when she either realizes I am not giving up or when she gets too tired to fight it anymore. Once she falls asleep, Tenley usually sleeps until about four or five in the morning. I get out of bed, collect her, and nurse her in bed where she remains with us for the remainder of the night.

This schedule works for us, and allows me to get as much sleep as possible with only one nightly interruption, which I can live with. Not everything I do is perfectly planned, but it works for our daughter and our family. No matter what you choose to do, just remember these things:

1. It will not last forever. Your baby cannot stay awake forever (though it may seem like it at times) and this stage will not last forever. As your baby grows, he or she will ultimately figure out what they want to do as you use trial and error to help them.

2. Your baby probably wants to sleep as much as you do--he or she just hasn't figured out how to get there yet. Most moms can tell when their child is tired. He is cranky and fussy and you know he can't be hungry. Try to put yourself in their position, and think about what would best help you fall asleep. Truthfully, I apply this in most aspects of my mothering. It really helps me connect with my daughter on a different level when I think of her as a little human being that gets tired, hungry, and bored just like I do.

3. You love your child. Just hold your little one or snuggle up next to her and hope that tomorrow will be better. It usually is.

4. Say a prayer! Sometimes I think of this as a last resort when really it should be one of the first things I do. This precious child is Heavenly Father's too. You share her. He loves her just as He loves you. Ask for His guidance and you can know He will always help you.

What has your experience been with feedings?

How have they contributed to your baby's sleep schedule?

Getting Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night (part 1)

Remember sleeping through the night? If you're a mom, you might be thinking to yourself: No, actually I don't, it was that long ago. Well we are writing this series of posts in response to a reader's question: How do you get your baby to sleep through the night?

This question is complicated and really depends on your child but we are happy to share what we know or have heard works, and you can feel free to try our ideas and determine for yourself if any of them work for your child!

To be honest, I am not that great of a person to ask about this (at least not from the experience perspective). Tenley has always valued her nighttime sleep--even as a newborn--which has been a huge blessing. But a baby's sleep patterns can change overnight, so before and after Tenley was born I did a lot of reading and gathered a lot of advice. First off, my Aunt Molly shared her nightly routine which for her has resulted in two toddler boys that not only sleep through the night (and have since babies), but get ready for bed on their own without any trouble or complaint. It's amazing--my mom and I have witnessed it ourselves firsthand. For her, the following routine has proven successful:

"Biggest thing to have good sleepers: CONSISTENCY. I had a rule the first month of bed time (so really starting in like the second month once you get to know their routine). Here are my secrets that I learned:

1. Help your baby understand the difference between daytime sleep and nighttime sleep. During the day I purposely napped the boys in the dining room and even if I wasn't watching TV I would put it on. This helps the baby not go into a super deep sleep. 

2. At night time I always "wind things down" As night time approached I kept lights low and even kept my voice a little lower, didn't want to get them too excited. 

3. Once I figured out their bed time (both mine were around 7 when they were baby-baby) I did the whole routine the same each night (and Andrew and I would share in this duty--you don't want the baby to get too used to one person). I would change the diaper, swaddle him up, read to him, sing to him, and then rock them for a couple minutes. Sometimes they were asleep before I read, but I still did it. this was nice later on because sometimes I could put them down wide awake no problem, they knew what to expect, even at five months old. When they were really little babies I had to do a feeding at 10. This is all dependent on the baby, they're all different but I found 10 to work best for mine. I ALWAYS did night time feedings in the dark. This again, was to help the baby understand this was not a play time, strictly a time for them to get more food because they need it. I would change the diaper in the dark (well there was a night a light in the room) and then feed them in the dark and then put them right back down in their crib. 

4. Sound machine and positioners. These were important for both the boys to help them sleep. The positioner is a little wedge the baby sleeps between, makes them feel snug like they're still being held when you put them down, and sound machine helped them have constant noise. Some babies can do without, Jackson needed it, Cael did not. 

5. I was strict on this schedule the first two months (especially when they were a little older and could sleep through the night, both started sleeping through the night when they were about three months). I made sure we were home every night to do this routine at 7. After the two months I would allow us to go out occasionally with the boys later. Many parents want to "just bring the baby with them"--no big deal they'll sleep in the car seat. This is true, however it could create problems later on because they are not used to a schedule so when you are ready to put them to bed, they're not always ready! This can be hard because you want to hang out with friends, but we learned that even though the first two months were hard because we couldn't hang out with others, the last four years have made up for it with our great sleepers!

Know that a lot of people will give you advice, and you'll try it and it still won't work. Babies are not all the same, and what works for one will not work for all. You have to be willing to try new things and know you will eventually figure out what's best for you and your baby."

Molly and her sweet young boys when they were much younger.

I loved Molly's advice and routine. When Tenley was born, I was determined to try it out. I incorporated many of the same things into Tenley's routine but found that she (miraculously) went to bed quite easily on her own.

What is your experience with establishing a routine?
What routine has worked for you?