Toni's Birth Story: Self-Induced Labor

My due date came and went and even though I knew that it was likely I wouldn’t give birth that day, I felt frustrated knowing that Penelope would come whenever she chose within the next two weeks and that I would have to just accept it. I started looking up ways to naturally induce this child, all while asking other people for their opinions on how they got labor started. I tried bowling, lots and lots of long walks, and eating certain foods but nothing worked. Soon I had hit my 40 weeks and 6 day mark and knew that in the morning I would have to make a decision to either set up a time to be induced or let things fall into place.

Anyway—that night my husband Jesse and I decided to go on our usual evening walk but this time I thought about trying something new: running. I ran for at least a quarter of a mile (okay, well I thought I was running but then I realized Jesse was able to keep up with me by picking up his walking pace.) When I got home I just felt tired and was sad that I wasn’t having any contractions. Jesse reminded me that usually contractions take place later, not right after the workout. Before my head hit the pillow that night I decided I wouldn’t be induced. But that didn’t matter because…I woke up at 5:20am the following morning to really intense pain. Since I had been having pain on and off all week I just assumed it was a slightly stronger contractions. I somehow woke up Jesse—I can’t remember if I woke him up or if I was squirming in bed too much—and he watched me go through some of the pain for about 15 minutes. We both figured out at the same time that I was actually having contractions and soon started wondering if this was the real deal. After timing the contractions, 6 minutes apart, lasting for 60 seconds, we called Jesse’s sister Chante’ who would be a second coach through my labor. Chante’ said she’d come right over and by the time she arrived, roughly 7am, my contractions had become more painful. She recommended I try a shower and that worked for a bit. After 20-30 minutes of that I was in so much pain I decided I would just lay out on the couch. Everyone agreed it was time for me to call my midwife and see what action we should take. She sat through two of my contractions, which by that point were 2 minutes apart and about 1 minute and 20 seconds long, and said that I needed to start making my way to the hospital. We got all of our things and headed to the hospital. By the time we got there, it was roughly 8:30am and I was freaking out how fast everything seemed to be progressing. I got checked into a room where they determined I was 4 cm dilated and fully effaced.

From the beginning I decided I would aim for a natural labor. For more selfish reasons, I wanted to do this because I wanted to prove to myself that I am tough and I can handle anything. Right away Jesse and I started putting in our practice of the Bradley Method. They moved me to my labor room and I met the midwife who would be there with me until her shifted ended. I learned really fast that the Bradley method was not going to work for me. Mental imagery was nearly impossible. The only thing that helped me get through each contraction was moaning or yelling as loud as I could. I’m sure everyone in the rooms around me thought I was dying. At first I was super self-conscious of it but after an hour I couldn’t have cared less. It’s funny how little you care about anything (how loud you’re being, if you’re naked in front on strangers, etc.) when you’re in an incredible amount of pain. My midwife was AMAZING. She was very calming to be around and sat with me through most of my labor, helping me push through each contraction by yelling and moaning with me. Okay, I know that sounds totally weird but it worked so well. Whenever she needed a break my sister-in- law would step right in and make the noises with me. Poor Jesse was such a trooper. He sat behind me and rubbed my back, staying quiet while I focused and complimenting me on how well I was doing in the small breaks. I was really impressed with how in tune he was to my needs.

I was progressing quickly--so much so, that my midwife and nurse had set up my room for delivery and said they expected me to start pushing by 12:30pm. I had the worst back pain and tried everything to cope with the pain. I tried a bath multiple times, which actually made it feel worse, and tons of positions and pelvic rocking. Every time I moved it was the worst possible pain ever. The only way I could actually deal with a contraction was by sitting at the end of the bed with a bar hanging over me. When the contraction came on I would pull as hard as I could on the bar. By 2 or 3pm (I can’t remember for sure) I was dilated to 9 cm and the pain had reached an all-time high. My contractions hit, one after the other, after the other. There were times that it would last for minutes and then I’d get a 10 second break and come at me again. It hurt so bad that I couldn’t breathe. For me, that was the worst part. It felt like a thousand knives being stabbed in my lower abdomen all while someone would sucker punch all the air out of me. Every time it was over I spent the whole time sobbing and taking in as much air as I could.

By 6pm I was still dilated to 9cm. At the point my midwife looked at me and said, “Toni, you are exhausted and I am worried that when it comes time to push, you will be too tired.” I was also informed a few hours before that that my child was posterior and that is why I was having such bad back pain and why my little girl wasn’t coming out. Because of her position pushing was going to be 10 times harder. I felt so conflicted. I did not want an epidural. Mostly because I am TERRIFIED of needles. So much so, I opted out of having a precautionary IV. But also because I had worked so hard and had gone so long without an epidural. I only had 1 more centimeter to go. I felt like all that work would have been for nothing. I wanted to finish the the way I had originally intended; I wanted to prove to myself I could do it without medication. To make the decision even more difficult, my midwife told me had my daughter not been posterior I already would have birthed her! After lots more crying and encouragement from Jesse, Chante’, and my midwife, I decided I would at least talk to the anesthesiologist. My nurse brought him in and he explained to me what the procedure would be like. I explained to him my extreme fear of needles and he reassured me that I would barely feel a thing and that he would explain everything he was doing while he did it. He was so nice and even offered to numb my wrist before putting in the IV that is required when getting an epidural.

After 14 hours of labor, basically 12 of which were extremely intense, I decided to get an epidural. I cried the whole time he got everything set up. I was so scared and was shaking ridiculously hard. I had to keep reminding myself that the pain of receiving an epidural would be nothing in comparison to my contractions. I ended up barely feeling the epidural and within 5 minutes all my pain was gone. It was so amazing to feel nothing after feeling pain for so long that I wondered why I hadn’t gotten one sooner. While I felt amazing, the only down side to the epidural was it slowed down my contractions a bit meaning having my baby would take longer and that my midwife’s shift would be over before I had my baby. I met my next midwife and she was kind but because I was mostly sitting and waiting for something to happen, she only came in my room to check my progression every once in a while. Actually now that I think of it, another down side to the epidural was that you couldn’t eat after having one and unfortunately for me, I hadn’t ate since the previous night and was STARVING. My nurse was kind though and snuck me some saltine crackers to munch on anyways. But the upside of the epidural was--well one, obviously I didn’t have any pain—but also I could sleep which I hadn’t done much of the night before.

I went in and out of states of sleep but by 11pm I was too restless with worry to continue. The realization that I was going to have a child any moment was surreal. At least while I was feeling my contractions I had been in too much pain to think about what it would be like to have a child. I was more motivated to just get the pain done and over with! I was also concerned about pushing. I worried I wouldn’t be able to feel my contractions enough and would have to get a c-section. Jesse and Chante’ were both great at trying to distract me. They both kept telling jokes and it felt good to be able to laugh again. We joked about how all my nurses and midwives kept telling me that FOR SURE I would have my baby that day. The following day would be my one and only niece’s (and my Mom and Dad’s only grandchild) birthday. We thought it would be so funny if Penelope decided to share a birthday with Tessa. 12am rolled around and still it wasn’t time to push. We were so excited to share with my sister and the rest of my family that Penelope would indeed be born on Tessa’s birthday. So now luckily for my parents, their only two grandchildren share a birthday and only need to remember one date haha! Also at 11pm or 12am I can’t remember which, they checked to see if my water had broken. It hadn’t, so they decided to break it for me so I hopefully wouldn’t need any Pitocin. When they broke my water they worried that my daughter had swallowed meconium so I was informed that my baby might need to be taken away for a short while if she didn’t come out crying.

By 1:30am my midwife came in, checked me out. I was dilated to a 10 and it was time push! They explained that I would need to push like I’m pooping (yuck I know but hey, it’s the truth) and when my next contraction rolled around I pushed with all my might. When I was done everyone looked at me like they were impressed. My midwife asked me if this was my first child because she couldn’t believe how well I had done. Everyone kept asking me if I could feel my contractions, which I couldn’t, and was informed that if I continued to push this good this baby would be out easily within 20 minutes. This is where the epidural was amazing. I would push with all my might and then relax while I was waited to push again. Unfortunately my contractions were not coming fast. Each time I would push I had to wait 5 to 7 minutes for the next one to come. By 2:30am I was frustrated because I knew if my contractions would just come faster we would already have had my baby. By 2:50ish I was starting to feel my contractions (I am now grateful I barely ever pushed my epidural button for more pain relief!) and each time I would ask the nurse (who was monitoring the screen for my contractions) if I was having one. Each time I asked, she would nod and then I would push. They asked me if I wanted to see my baby’s head in a mirror and I was slightly hesitant. I was worried it would gross me out but I decided to anyway. It was weird and cool all at the say time but it gave me just enough motivation and I pushed even harder than before. After that, I was pushing like a mad women! Jesse looked at me all surprised and told me it would only be a few more pushes until she was here. My nurses ran around crazy getting everything prepared and two or three pushes later at 3:07am, Penelope Alayna Justet had finally arrived! The first words out of my mouth were, “That felt so cool!” And seriously pushing out Penelope felt so invigorating and was my favorite part of the whole labor.

First moments together

When Penelope came out she made a somewhat gurgled cry but then was silent so after Jesse caught her and cut her umbilical cord all these people rushed her to the corner of the room where they made sure she was okay. Chante’ yelled from across the room, “she has rolls!” and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I caught a peek of her and saw that she was big and chunky. She weighed 8lbs 8oz and was 20 ¾ inches! I’m 5’1” and pretty petite so everyone was in disbelief that someone as small as myself could have pushed out such a large baby.

Not long after giving birth to my little Penelope

After everything ended up being okay I got to hold her. I always thought I’d ball like a baby once I finally saw my daughter but I actually just got giddy with excitement to hold her. I was all smiles while I got to hold and kiss her. She cried the whole time (I learned real quick that she does not like to lay or sleep on her belly) but I didn’t care. I only got to hold her for 5 minutes because I needed to be stitched up and I didn’t want to jerk or anything while I held her. I enjoyed watching Jesse hold her and kiss her. Penelope snuggled right into his chest and fell right to sleep.

Such a proud dad!

The next three hours dragged on forever. My midwife and all these nurses kept rushing around and making phone calls. I had been so distracted by the joy of having Penelope with us that I didn’t realize for a while all the rags of blood in a bucket. I asked them if everything was alright and they kept being really vague with me. Since they weren’t answering me I kept looking at Jesse and Chante’ to see if they knew what was going on and they weren’t sure what was happening either. I started listening to the midwife’s conversations with the other doctors and nurses and quickly figured out there was something wrong with my tear. It was only a 2^nd degree tear, but it was deep in weird places which made it difficult fully close up. I had 5 different people work on me and each time they sewed me up they had to undo it and start all over. Eventually they called a surgeon in to stitch me up because they couldn’t figure out how to fix the problem. When they were done I was sent to my recovery room where I asked the nurse what had been going on. She told me I had hemorrhaged and lost 800 ml of blood. I didn’t know how much that was so Jesse showed me on my U of U water bottle to give me a visual idea of how much. Needless to say, I was very tired and dizzy. My daughter started crying and I wanted to breastfeed her but I wasn’t allowed to because I was so weak.

A visual amount of the blood I lost

After 5 hours of trying to be patient, I was able to hold my daughter again and finally feed her. I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep so badly but I wasn’t going to give up the opportunity to hold my daughter as long as I wanted (finally)!

A few hours after birth

The next few days were rough for me. I learned a lot more about the things that occur after labor by actually having labor than by what I read. I didn’t know I would feel so weak or be so off balance. And because of the amount of blood I lost, I was anemic and so, so tired. Every day I was at the hospital, I just continued to feel more exhausted. They continually monitored how much blood I was losing and each day it was lower. On the day I was supposed to leave the hospital, I was informed that if my next test didn’t stabilize or improve, not only was I staying in the hospital for observation, but that I would need a blood transfusion. Something about that seemed terrible so I was making sure I was doing my part by eating lots of foods with iron! The test was taken and I had stabilized and so I was able to go home without a transfusion.

Parenthood is much more difficult than I expected but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Penelope is seriously such a joy in our lives. I live for the moments when she smiles at us and stares into my eyes. I love the times when I wake up in the morning or from taking a nap and find Jesse and Penelope in the nursery, just rocking in the rocking chair as her daddy sings her primary songs. And I enjoy getting to know her, particularly the things she likes and doesn’t like. When she first came home I felt a bit overwhelmed (okay, a lot overwhelmed) but now I feel like I’m really starting to enjoy all of her. I cannot even believe she’s 14 weeks old now!

Penelope's adorable pout!

I seriously feel so grateful to have been in such great care at the U of U. My midwives were awesome--especially the first midwife who had spent almost all her time with me and always was honest but encouraging. I am really glad I made the decision to have my sister-in-law there who made me feel comfortable by being encouraging as well and constantly taking care of all my needs. If it hadn’t been for her, I think I would have stopped breathing! Or had an epidural sooner. And I am especially grateful for my husband who always stayed positive and always made sure to let me know how well I was doing and how proud he was of me. He never complained once about being tired or hungry, even though he hadn’t eaten that whole day either and had gotten about as much sleep as I had. Having a baby with him made me fall even more in love with him.

Other than that, Jesse and I are just doing the parent thing, which keeps us very busy. We love our little family!

The Jolly Justet family! Blog here!

Hillary's Birth Story: 8 Days Overdue

My Audrey Kealana was born on August 13th, 2013.  She weighed 6 lbs 11 oz and was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  Giving birth was quite an unforgettable experience.  I had been hearing all about epidurals and going natural for months and I had a hard time figuring out just what kind of experience I wanted to have.  When the day came everything just fell into place.......

After nine long months of pregnancy and two weeks of trying to induce labor by walking and running (yes, I really did try to run which was quite a sight), baby girl just wasn’t coming.  I had had my membranes stripped and everything, but nothing was going on down there.  The hospital policy wouldn’t allow me to be induced until I was a week overdue so we found ourselves with an induction date for Wednesday, August 14^th (which was 2 days PAST being a week overdue.  Kind of a bummer).  They had me do three days of non stress tests to make sure that the baby was alright staying in as long as she was.  My doctor was pretty confident that I would go into labor long before my induction date so I was counting on that.  Still, after every appointment they would schedule another one for a few days later just in case she hadn’t come yet.  Every time I walked into that doctor’s office still pregnant they were all surprised to see me!  The nurses, my doctor, the non-stress test people.  As soon as they’d see me they’d say, “Oh my gosh, you haven’t had the baby yet??”  I would politely laugh and answer no while thinking to myself, “Um duh.  No, this is not my post baby body, thank you.”

Finally, at my appointment the Monday before the induction my doctor felt so sorry for me (I had been at a two for about a week or more) that she asked if I would mind having the baby at a different hospital if it meant I could be induced that night.  Andrew and I said heck yes and then headed home to get ready.

We got to the hospital in Redwood City at 9 pm, did the paperwork, talked with doctors and nurses about how everything was going to go, then settled into our room for a long night ahead.  They started me off on a pill to thin my cervix (I think) and they said that after 24 hours of that they would start Pitocin.  24 hours!  I was pretty bummed out at the thought of nothing more happening for that long.  Luckily, however, after only a few hours of the pill, my body had reacted so well to it that they changed the plan and were able to start the Pitocin earlier. 

This is kind of where the blur starts.  I know that I was at a four for hours and hours with no progression.  I mostly remember a lot of sleeping (trying to at least with all those monitors on me) and a little of TV watching.  Once the pain got worse I decided I did want to have an epidural- not really because of the level of pain I was currently having, but mostly because I was scared of how much more painful it could get.  Looking back now I think with my next one I will try to go without the epidural as long as I can because I don't know what the pain would've been like.  My mom always said I have a high tolerance for pain so I sometimes wonder if I could've handled it.  Hopefully I can find out someday...and if I can't handle it then I will have no problem getting an epidural again.  

A few hours after the epidural at about 4 or 5 in the afternoon (I still hadn’t progressed at all), the doctor came in, broke my water and told me I probably wouldn’t have the baby until early morning the next day.  I was pretty disappointed.  So Andrew and I settled back in anticipating a long boring night.  He had a very narrow pull-out couch to sleep on and we had brought games and books to read.  Mostly, however, we both just tried to sleep.

Around 6:30 pm I realized that I had been feeling pressure and pain down there that was steadily getting worse.  I kept thinking it was just that the epidural had worn off a little bit and that they needed to give me some more medicine.  I kind of wanted to suck it up and just deal with it, but at Andrew’s urging we called the nurse in.  She said she guessed they could have the doctor check me but that I might just need more medicine.  When the doctor came in and checked me I was assuming I was still at a four, so when she suddenly said, “Oh you’re complete!” I didn’t quite process what that meant!  I said something like “Wait, what does that mean?” (even though I knew) and she said,  “You’re at a ten.  It’s time to push!” 

Everything after that went so fast that I’m not even sure I can tell it accurately.  In a matter of minutes the stir-ups were up, blinding lights were on, and it seemed like there were about a hundred people in my room.  I pushed for one hour with Andrew by my side the whole time.  I saw and touched the baby’s head as it crowned, but as I pushed I was so focused that I had kind of forgotten why I was doing it.  I just knew I had to push as hard as I could until the nurses told me to stop, that was my goal.  And then suddenly…she was here.  Suddenly she was on my tummy, in my arms, and a waterfall of emotions came.  She was not yet crying (which was actually a good thing because she had meconium in her lungs, and I was crying enough for the both of us anyway).  As vague as the whole memory of her birth is sometimes, I think I will always remember that first moment.  It was as if the world had stopped, everything was quiet, and no one existed but Audrey, Andrew and I.  I know there were a million things going on around us but I don’t think I could see or hear anything else.  I can’t possibly describe that moment.

Then they whisked her away, assuring me that she would be back in my arms as soon as possible.  They wiped her off, dealt with the meconium, and took measurements in the room with us with Andrew standing right next to her.  Then they gave her back to me all wrapped up.  By then we were all three of us crying, and she was ours forever.

The rest of our hospital stay had many ups and downs.  But for now I just want to relish in the fact that she is ours for eternity.  She is the love of our life.  I love feeling how much she needs us and loves us.  And I love that she knows how much we love her and that we will always take care of her.

When I look at her now I’m overcome with how much I love her and how much she is a part of me.  Looking at her little face as she falls asleep, her little eyes fluttering, feeling her ever so soft skin against mine, her one little cheek squished up against my chest, feeling the vibrations of her breathing, seeing her involuntary twitches and smiles, hearing her yawns and coos as she drifts off- is there anything that compares to this?  Right now I don’t think there is.  And maybe someday there will be, because I know that each new phase brings some new magic.  But for now I can’t imagine being happier.  I said that on my wedding day and I’m sure I’ll say it again.  I feel so blessed.  I love my little family and I love Heavenly Father for sending Audrey to be ours.  I’m so grateful.  Life is good, life is so good.  

Olivia's Birth Story: Induced at 41 Weeks

There's something about the act of giving birth that really desensitizes you to certain things. 

Like being seen naked. Let's put it this way--I'm typically quite modest and quite shy about my body. I did not like the idea of anyone being present during the birth other than of course Dalin and the doctors. I wasn't even sure I wanted my mom in the room. That all changed probably the moment I started really feeling the contractions. Once those kicked in, I didn't really give a darn who was around. 

But I need to start from the beginning. 

Because we had a scheduled induction, it was an exceedingly long night. The best way I can think to describe it is like the most intense Christmas Eve ever. After going to bed much later than planned, Dalin and I lay in bed trying not to talk to each other and get some rest. I could hear Dalin awake almost the whole night so I know he was going through the same thing. We woke up quite early...I felt like I'd only just closed my eyes when our alarm went off at 5am. We hurried to get ready, never so happy to go to the hospital. I felt a little nervous and even sad because I really had not wanted to have to be induced, but mostly I felt excited and ready to finally meet my daughter! Dalin cut up some strawberries and sprinkled them with sugar for my breakfast, then we also stopped at Einstein Bros Bagels for a sesame bagel and an OJ for me. At Orem Community Hospital, (which is only 15 minutes away) we took a few "last moments pregnant" photos.

I intentionally wore my "Just Do It" t-shirt because it was exactly what I kept telling myself.

In front of the Women's Center sign. Last picture of just the two of us!

Thanks to whomever I had spoken with on the phone when "scheduling" our induction, I was anxious about getting an unfriendly nurse who would ruin my experience (the lady on the phone wasn't really all that nice...maybe she'd had a bad day). But in the Women's Center, the lady at reception was extremely kind and after being brought to our room, we were introduced to two nurses who were equally pleasant--Denise and Ashlee. I really liked them both. I was hooked up to an IV, which was one of my least favorite parts. The stupid tape was pulling on the hairs on my arm and it bothered me more than anything else that was going on for the first couple of hours. 

Right away, I was started on the oxytocin drip and after a few hours the contractions started to build. During those hours, Dalin and I watched TV, listened to my Hypnobabies Relaxation CD (which I'd only gotten from a family friend a weeks before), talked excitedly about everything, and tried to rest. It was utterly impossible to do so though because all I wanted was to hurry up the process and meet our baby girl! My mom went out to a few stores because not much was happening and I didn't want her to be bored so I encouraged her to go. I assured her that I would call her immediately if anything happened. The contractions weren't so bad at first. They felt like strong period cramps, but there was also the grinding pressure of the baby's head on my pelvis. That started to feel worse and worse. Especially after my water broke, which it thankfully did on its own. I had been a little worried about how that would feel but it just felt like a tiny pop. My doctor had said it would feel like a water balloon popping but it didn't even feel that dramatic. More like a tiny bubblegum bubble popping below my belly button. I wasn't even sure whether that was what happened right away because I was lying down and no water gushed out at first, but after calling the nurse in to check me, I moved and felt a lot of liquid coming out. I couldn't tell where it was coming from but I knew I couldn't control the flow. My nurse Ashlee confirmed that my water had broken by doing a simple pH test (at least, she did the same thing as you would for a pH test with a little strip of paper to sample the fluid). After that, we watched the contraction monitor and Dalin and Ashlee both tried applying counter pressure (by pushing hard against my feet) when I could feel one coming to help me get through them. I was checked a few times and was informed that I was at a steady 6+cm. It was around that time that I began to think, I am going to need that epidural. 

I cried when I called my mom to let her know that I had decided to get it because I felt like I had given up. My goal to have a natural birth was slipping through my fingers and I didn't have the will power to fight it. I just wanted to think about my baby and nothing else. My mother comforted me and told me that my dad had asked why I didn't just get it in the first place. Dalin also reassured me that he would prefer I got one rather than feel any discomfort. I felt better with support from everyone around me and recalled what Dr. Pace had told me at one of my last appointments. He essentially had said, "No matter how you have your baby--whether you have her naturally, with the epidural, by C-section or whatever--do not let anyone make you feel ashamed for the choice you make. Your goal is to have that baby no matter how she gets here." I knew he was right and agreed that no woman should be ashamed by how her child's birth happened. I had just felt disappointed in myself that I apparently did not seem to have the courage or will to go through with my original plan. I agreed to get the epidural and my mom hurried back to the hospital so she could be there with me.

The epidural guy was my hero. He did a terrific job and even though I was nervous (who isn't?), he talked me through everything he did. He basically said, "Ok, it's going to feel like a bee sting then you're going to feel warmth spreading through your back." I had never been stung by a bee before so I wasn't sure what to expect, but compared with the contractions and pressure on my pelvis, the epidural shot was nothing. And it felt exactly like he said so there were no surprises. Plus I had Dalin holding me still and my mom rubbing my head and I knew relief was coming so I felt grateful knowing that. It's probably a good thing I did not see the needle though...apparently it's pretty long. Not that that would deter me from getting the epidural again in the future--it was wonderful! Anyhow, they rolled me on my right side, then after ten or fifteen minutes, they flipped me over to my left side. I didn't know this until then, but apparently the epidural only goes to the lowest point in your body so they had to make sure it got spread around by changing my position often. I felt relief pretty quickly. And I was happy that I could still feel from about my knees down and my chest up. I had been concerned I'd feel completely paralyzed. One thing I had not known about the epidural is that it does not remove the pressure. It kind of takes the edge off, but I was feeling a lot of pressure from the baby's head and it continued to build as I dilated further. Another thing that I experienced (that I never knew could happen) before and after the epidural was intense shaking. Everyone kept asking me if I was cold but I felt perfect--I just could not stop shaking. My arms, hands, and chattering teeth were kind of out of control for a little while. It was really annoying as I tried to speak regularly but my jaw just kept shivering. It was weird but the nurses said it was completely normal and very common.

I just want to pause and take a minute to say that getting the epidural was a GREAT decision for me. It was so much better than I had anticipated. I'm not sure if I just got lucky with how it affected by body, but I was very grateful to be able to have enough feeling to be able to push properly. Getting the epidural allowed me to focus, not on the discomfort, but on the happiness of the day. Dalin and I were going to meet our little girl. That tiny being I had carried for nine+ months was finally coming into the world. It was a miracle. And the epidural allowed me to focus on that. I felt fantastic, as you can see from this picture below (which is not my favorite, but it's the way it was). 

Quite happy after getting the epidural

Anyway, we had been at the hospital about nine hours when they told me I was at 9+cm. Dr. Pace had been in to check on me at one and told me he'd be back around four or five o'clock. When he said that, Dalin, my mom, and I all looked at one another and thought, "Uhh, it isn't going to take that long if I'm almost to 10cm already." Well the joke was on us because I started pushing around four and continued for four straight hours. My contractions were about a minute apart the entire time and I pushed EXTREMELY hard. The nurses even told me that most women can't figure out how to push right away when they have an epidural and reach around a 60 on the contraction chart with their hardest pushes, but mine were all well over 100 consistently! I was pushing with all my might to get our baby girl out--not just because I wanted her to be here already, but also because I felt an overwhelming urge to push because of the immense pressure on my pelvis or rectum (or whatever body part it was). Here's a vivid description for you--it felt like the worst constipation of my life. I couldn't describe it any other way. I've never even really experienced constipation before but that was exactly what my labor felt like. A few months into my pregnancy I learned that it is not uncommon for women to um, well, go to the bathroom while giving birth (I also didn't know that a lot of women throw up from the epidural--fortunately I did neither, nor did I feel any more nauseous than I had back when I experienced morning sickness). Naturally, this idea was a tremendous source of anxiety and embarrassment for me because no one wants to do that in front of anyone, let alone a crowd of nurses. However, at the point I was at in my labor, I could not have cared less if it had happened. Actually, I wanted it to happen because I thought it might bring some relief to the constipated feeling. It never did end up happening--I know because I asked after--which surprised me because you can't really tell what's going on down there but it kind of felt like I did (welcome to having a baby). 

Anyhow, when Dr. Pace returned to see me again, he was optimistic that everything was going well. Baby girl's heart-rate was very healthy and consistent--it only dropped once for a moment and that was after I had pushed the button on the epidural thing to give me some more drugs. I am not sure how she did so well being pressed against my pelvic bone for such a long time, but I am so thankful she was okay. It was probably during my fourth hour of pushing that my doctor started to get very quiet as he began to think it was looking like I might have to go with a C-section. At this point, I was completely exhausted. I could not even open my eyes due to exhaustion and it actually took me a while to realize that I hadn't opened my eyes in a long time. I was feeling very sweaty and very out of it. But I kept pushing despite the nurses suggesting numerous times that I take a break. 

On the side, I should mention that my sister-in-law Shaina showed up around one and my cousin Whitney arrived a short time later. As mentioned earlier, I initially had thought I would not want anyone with me during my labor but when I was in the moment, I didn't give a darn who was there. And looking back, I am so very thankful they were both there. Shaina took turns with the nurses holding one of my legs while I pushed and continuously gave me words of encouragement to motivate me. Whitney served as our photographer after the baby was born and gave me sips of water every few pushes. Getting a baby out is thirsty work! My mom also held my leg and rubbed my hair and offered encouragement. Dalin held my leg much of the time and was constantly whispering that I was doing so well and that we were almost there. It felt wonderful to know he believed in me. 

Anyway, back to the action-- They called the obstetrician (Dr. Broberg) in to take a look and discuss the options with me. They were: to try using the vacuum (which was a risk at this point because baby girl's head had been in the birth canal for so long she surely had a gnarly cone head and with the vacuum you run the risk of the scalp separating from the skull at that point) which sounded terrible; to try using forceps (which also sound terrible and make me picture metal salad tongs); or to perform a C-section (which I was strongly opposed to because, first off, I feared having one, the recovery time is greater, and I want a big family and in some places, there is a limit to the number of C-sections a woman can have). The best option to me sounded like the forceps even though I was worried about them hurting my daughter's head. Honestly, I don't even remember making that decision though--I was a little occupied with pushing. 

During the whole four hours, the nurses told me several times to just take a fifteen minute break from pushing or to try and rest. Every time they suggested that I thought, Are you kidding me? I'm not stopping until she is out. The pressure was so intense that it was far more comfortable to push than to just sit still. So I would push on my own until they were ready to help hold my legs and count with me again. Dr. Broberg and Dr. Pace readied themselves with the forceps, while I simply continued to push with all my might, hoping I could somehow deliver her without any help. One nurse brought a mirror in to "help" me. I was so tired though that everyone had to tell me repeatedly to open my eyes. When I finally managed to, it was not a pretty sight--I was very swollen--and I was discouraged to find that even with my hardest push, I could only see about a golfball-sized view of her head, which looked grayish purple with dark hair. My thought then was, She is never getting out because I am pushing as hard as humanly possible. Dr. Pace seemed to be thinking along those same lines as far as I could tell in the brief moments I was able to pick up on his body language. The next time I glimpsed her head, everyone said, "She has so much hair!" and I, caught in the intensity of the moment as I continued pushing, asked in a strained voice, "Can't you just pull her out by the hair?!" That got a laugh from everyone in the room. I was half kidding...but I was also half serious. When the forceps were ready and in place, I knew it was in my daughter's best interest that I get her out fast, so I prepared myself to push with all my might. They counted and in two pushes I felt her head was out and everyone was cheering. They told me to give one more big push and I felt a weird wet/sliminess as her shoulders and body came out. Tenley ReNae Gunnell was finally born on August 12, 2013 at 8:01pm, weighing 8lbs, 3oz. and 20 inches long. 

Immediately, I began crying because I was so relieved the pushing was over and so, SO happy she came out. The next several minutes were a blur as Dalin cut our beautiful baby's umbilical cord then she was immediately handed off to some nurses because she hadn't cried when she came out. It wasn't long though before I heard her lovely voice and I waited impatiently for them to bring her to me. Meanwhile, they had me push the placenta out (which was a piece of cake after a baby...) and then stitched me up which seemed to take forever even though I supposedly didn't tear too badly (I had been very concerned about the tearing beforehand but because of the epidural I didn't notice that part at all). I was too distracted trying to see my baby during the whole process that it really didn't affect me. Dalin held her first and the look on his face as he looked at her made me sob. It was even more emotional when they handed her to me. I felt a little hysterical but after four hours of non-stop pushing, it seemed justified and everyone else understood. They had me try breastfeeding and miraculously it seemed to come naturally to both of us. It was much easier for me than I had expected (and much easier than I'd been told). She was beautiful--I could see that right away--and such a calm baby. She obviously had Dalin's personality. She looked at me with her darling eyes and I fell completely in love with her. It was the most amazing feeling in the world to know that she was mine and Dalin's. I could see in her eyes that she knew I was her mom. That made everything worth it. Every single little thing. We had created this perfect little being and now she is ours for eternity.

First time holding his daughter

First time holding my baby girl

I knew then what my mom had meant when she had said shortly after giving birth to me that she would do it again in a heartbeat. I felt the same way. Especially because I'd been told that the first birth is usually the longest and most difficult so anything by comparison would seem manageable. Later that night when everyone else had left, I said to Dalin, "That was the second best day ever." (The first would be marrying my sweet husband). He looked at me and said, "Are you kidding? That was the most stressful day ever!" I laughed because I know it had been so for him, seeing me in so much discomfort and in a state of complete frustration and worry when she wasn't coming out. But despite those things, I think he secretly agreed with me because meeting our daughter was an amazing and irreplaceable moment for both of us.

Feel free to ask me any questions about my experience! I would be happy to answer them for you!

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