The Hardest Thing I've Done As a Parent: Olivia's Answer

Somebody asked this great question like a month ago but I guess Hillary and I have been so busy being moms to our increasingly active babies that we let our mommy tales duties slack. I'm mostly to blame, but we'll try to be a little better about it now.*

*(Check out this awesome blog post to perhaps justify our seemingly inexplicable absences over the last many weeks--also incidentally where this quote--re-quoted by Elder Neil L. Andersen in a 2011 General Conference--came from:)

Everyone tells you that parenthood, or more specifically--motherhood--is hard. But hard means different things to different people. For instance, I think my challenges of motherhood have been very different from those of Hillary and many other of my mom friends.

Some people probably would say pregnancy or giving birth were the hardest thing they've ever done (let alone as a parent). That's a tough one for me because even with my insane labor (which you can read about here if you missed it), it felt completely worth it to me afterward so I am pretty sure my whole memory of the labor is distorted by the insane adrenaline and endorphins I experienced that day. I guess I just need to have another baby to jolt me back to reality again ;). But for real, having a baby is not even that bad and I feel like pushing for four hours permits me to say that. And billions of other women must agree with me too, or why would people have so many children!

So then what has been the hardest thing thus far?

It's not the tiredness. I think being perpetually tired is kind of just a permanent quality of life now (honestly, that's pretty much been the case since high school, but it really escalated after I got pregnant and since). I mean, I guess I have sudden bursts of energy every now and again which is how I get certain big items on my to-do list accomplished, but it's so rare that I have enough energy to do all the things I want to do in a day that I've just come to regard this as an impossibility (or at least as a miracle because that's what it will be if it ever does happen).

It's not the immense sacrifice that people say is required to be a stay-at-home mom. For me, it really hasn't been much of a sacrifice. If anything, it has been an honor to be able to raise one of God's precious little daughters. And being the best wife and mother I can be has always been my greatest ambition so there has never been any question as to what I want to spend my energy working toward. Sure, being pregnant is one part of parenthood that is hard with all its aches and pains and being unable to eat whatever you want and do some of the activities you want to do, but you're getting a baby out of it, and that little life is so much more than worth it. The only thing I'm sacrificing by being a mother as far as I'm concerned is being wealthy (which we probably still wouldn't be even if I were working) and having the ability to be selfish. In other words, I can't just do whatever I want anymore (not that I was really aware that I could do that before having a baby, but I digress). I now have to wake up every morning and feed my daughter and change her diaper. I can't just skip feeding her breakfast. She's depending on me. At eight months old, she can't fend for herself yet. I am responsible for an innocent little being and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to not just feel needed--but feel the love and gratitude of that little one when she gives you a toothy grin or peacefully lays her head against your chest in perfect tranquility.

On the other hand, when asked the same question, my husband Dalin essentially replied that for him the sacrifice of time is the greatest challenge in parenthood. He actually said, "It's never having time to yourself." And it's true, there is no "time off" in parenthood. Even if you get a babysitter for a date or even manage to get a weekend away, you never stop being parents. Your choices change when you are responsible for being an example to a little human. Remember what I said about being selfish? There's no room for both selfishness and true love of your child. I see what Dalin is saying though. Every so often I miss having those moments between just the two of us. Our marriage has changed out of necessity. We've adapted. Even when we're "alone," there's always our little girl chirping away in the next room. And we are always aware of that. Not that we'd have it any other way... ;)

I guess I should share my answer now. Truthfully, for me the hardest part of motherhood thus far (and of course, being that my daughter is only eight months old I have not had that many experiences yet) is the emotionality of the endeavor. I don't cry as much as I did when I was pregnant (thankfully--for everyone...), but I feel like I am permanently susceptible to my motherly emotions. Especially when a mother or child is hurt or dies in a movie or book, I lose it. I just can't help it. I think about my own family and my own life and am frightened by the unknown of losing a child. I have learned to worry my whole life from a mother who was always incredibly concerned with safety, and now I cannot think about much except for keeping my baby girl safe and healthy. I am pretty confident I'm going to be that overprotective "helicopter" mom or whatever they call it, who hovers over her children because I want to keep them safe from themselves and others, and safe from the disappointments, sadnesses, and dangers of life. But I've decided I'm fine with that. I know I cannot always do this--that would be irrational and inhibit my children's ability to learn and grow for themselves, but for now, that has been the hardest part of being a parent. The constant worrying and fear of the unknown.

That and trying to cook and clean every day with an attention-needing baby. And telling off those people/moms who do or give things to my baby that I'm not okay with because I'm very non-confrontational. And having irregular hours.

But even with all that and no pay, it's worth it. It's worth every second. Without a doubt.

When you get moments like this, you'll understand:

What has been your hardest moment as a parent? Do you agree or disagree with me? 

If you aren't one yet, what are your fears about parenthood? (Don't worry, it's wonderful;)

Bottles, Milk Supply, and Solids

After a long little sabbatical due to, you know, motherhood and stuff, we are turning some attention to the blog again and trying to get back on top of it!  With our little girls growing faster and faster time doesn’t allow for a lot of sit and type on the computer moments.  As such, this post may be a little unorganized, perhaps even scatterbrained.  But we were so pleasantly surprised to hear that people were missing this blog!  It has reawakened our desire to connect with our fellow moms and moms-to-be out there.  So we will try harder to stay on top of it as long as you keep interacting with us about it!  With every post we not only welcome other advice and opinions we seek them!  Please continue to come be involved as we talk about motherhood and babyhood and the different experiences we all have!

On that note, here is a post about a certain experience that can begin to happen to most babies around 6 months- I’ve heard it called the 6-month drought.  This is when baby’s weight gain hits a plateau, so to speak, or may even decrease.  I didn’t know anything about it until we were in it.  In the last few months Olivia and I have both been having some up and down motherhood moments in one certain category- breastfeeding.  Some of you may remember the facebook status I posted about how I was getting worried about Audrey’s nutritional needs not being met.  I got A LOT of suggestions and advice.

I began the post by saying that my milk supply has been decreasing.  A few people expressed that they were skeptical of that.  They said that if I was doing everything right there should be no reason for my supply to decrease.  Without getting into anything confrontational I would like to firmly say that that is not true.  At least in my experience and a few of my fellow new mother friends it has not been true.  We hear quite often that every baby is different, but I think there is not enough understanding that every mother is different as well, INCLUDING the way her body works.  I know only the basics of lactation and I know that eating healthily and nursing often is the way to keep milk supply up.  However, despite all this my supply WAS going down and I was getting worried.  Times where I used to be able to feed my baby one full 30 minute feeding on one side, I suddenly was running out within 10 minutes and had a screaming hungry baby on my hands.  I was doing everything exactly the same as I had been.  Maybe for other women this never happens so they don't really believe that it could.  But there was no doubt my milk was tapering off and there was no apparent reason. 

This would not be such a big deal if it were not for the fact that Audrey does not take a bottle.  Olivia and I have talked about how we both have had the goal to make it to a year nursing, but we also both know that our baby’s needs are more important than our own personal goals.  So, if formula or other alternatives to nursing were necessary, then so be it.  You do what's best for your baby.  The problem for our little family is that Audrey won’t take milk from anything other than me.  Andrew and I have tried every suggestion to get her to take a bottle, but to no avail.  These two things combined was worrisome.  That was the dilemma- milk supply decreasing combined with her not taking a bottle.  We were also having issues with solids.  I was having a harder time than Audrey was because I was so worried about everything.

As hard as it has been and as hopeless as it has felt at times in the last few months, we HAVE managed to keep nursing!  It has gotten so much better.  The biggest help for us has been the herbal supplement Fenugreek suggested to me by my sister.  Here is a list of some things that have worked for us as well as some of the suggestions mentioned on facebook.  If you’re having trouble with or worrying at all about your milk supply definitely try a few of these.  What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa.  For some reason my body responds really well to Fenugreek but it did not work at all for my friend Shauna.  Let's try to understand each other, not tell each other what we're doing wrong.  As said before, remember that every mom is just as different as every baby is.

Suggestions from FB:

MILK SUPPLY:

Domperidone (medication)- doubled LH’s milk supply

More Milk Plus capsules- doubled JS’s milk supply within 2 days

Mother’s Milk Tea- I’ve heard different opinions about this one, but MC had great success with it.  I tried it for a few days but it made me a little nauseas so I stopped.  Definitely worth a try, though.

Lactation cookies- KA had success with these.  Find a good recipe online.

Nurse on demand

Drink a lot of water and/or milk (unless your baby gets an upset stomach when you have too much dairy)

Pump after every feeding, or at least as often as possible- TU said, “It doesn’t matter in nothing comes out, what matters is that you stimulate the milk production.”

Plain rolled oats- HH ate a bowl every day, sometimes twice a day and had great success with it boosting her milk supply.

BOTTLE ISSUES:

Sippy cup/Regular cup- the problem for Audrey is that she doesn’t ever want to suck on anything other than breast or pacifier.  When we gave up on the bottle we tried a sippy cup, but had the same problem with her just not sucking on it.  But we learned that she loves to sip out of a cup like kids and adults do normally.  Interesting, huh?  We wouldn’t have found that out though if we hadn’t tried the sippy cup first.

Different bottle nipples, particularly faster flowing ones

Syringe feeding- LF said to try and syringe or straw feed extra formula while nursing.  “They have super tiny flexible straws that you just slip into the corner of baby’s mouth while she nurses.”

Supplemental feeding system- a tube that attaches to your chest and brings formula up to where baby nurses

SOLIDS SUGGESTIONS:

Mix rice cereal or oatmeal with fruit purees

Try homemade mashed foods instead of baby foods- avocado, bananas, mashed potatoes, refried beans

Look for baby food grinders at Walmart- TL said that she used it to make spaghetti, mac and cheese, pot pies, small enough for baby to gum

Mix healthy fats with baby food for weight gain- avocado, coconut oil, olive oil

Try using a mesh baby food feeder

RESOURCE OPTIONS:

La Leche League

Milky Mommas fb group

Look up “baby-led weaning” online

This is by no means an extensive list, so please add to it!  Let us know what has worked for you or whatever questions you might have about any challenges you’re facing.  Remember there is an army of moms out there who are ready and willing to respond.