My Audrey Kealana was born on August 13th, 2013. She weighed 6 lbs 11 oz and was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Giving birth was quite an unforgettable experience. I had been hearing all about epidurals and going natural for months and I had a hard time figuring out just what kind of experience I wanted to have. When the day came everything just fell into place.......
After nine long months of pregnancy and two weeks of trying to induce labor by walking and running (yes, I really did try to run which was quite a sight), baby girl just wasn’t coming. I had had my membranes stripped and everything, but nothing was going on down there. The hospital policy wouldn’t allow me to be induced until I was a week overdue so we found ourselves with an induction date for Wednesday, August 14th (which was 2 days PAST being a week overdue. Kind of a bummer). They had me do three days of non stress tests to make sure that the baby was alright staying in as long as she was. My doctor was pretty confident that I would go into labor long before my induction date so I was counting on that. Still, after every appointment they would schedule another one for a few days later just in case she hadn’t come yet. Every time I walked into that doctor’s office still pregnant they were all surprised to see me! The nurses, my doctor, the non-stress test people. As soon as they’d see me they’d say, “Oh my gosh, you haven’t had the baby yet??” I would politely laugh and answer no while thinking to myself, “Um duh. No, this is not my post baby body, thank you.”
Finally, at my appointment the Monday before the induction my doctor felt so sorry for me (I had been at a two for about a week or more) that she asked if I would mind having the baby at a different hospital if it meant I could be induced that night. Andrew and I said heck yes and then headed home to get ready.
We got to the hospital in Redwood City at 9 pm, did the paperwork, talked with doctors and nurses about how everything was going to go, then settled into our room for a long night ahead. They started me off on a pill to thin my cervix (I think) and they said that after 24 hours of that they would start Pitocin. 24 hours! I was pretty bummed out at the thought of nothing more happening for that long. Luckily, however, after only a few hours of the pill, my body had reacted so well to it that they changed the plan and were able to start the Pitocin earlier.
This is kind of where the blur starts. I know that I was at a four for hours and hours with no progression. I mostly remember a lot of sleeping (trying to at least with all those monitors on me) and a little of TV watching. Once the pain got worse I decided I did want to have an epidural- not really because of the level of pain I was currently having, but mostly because I was scared of how much more painful it could get. Looking back now I think with my next one I will try to go without the epidural as long as I can because I don't know what the pain would've been like. My mom always said I have a high tolerance for pain so I sometimes wonder if I could've handled it. Hopefully I can find out someday...and if I can't handle it then I will have no problem getting an epidural again.
A few hours after the epidural at about 4 or 5 in the afternoon (I still hadn’t progressed at all), the doctor came in, broke my water and told me I probably wouldn’t have the baby until early morning the next day. I was pretty disappointed. So Andrew and I settled back in anticipating a long boring night. He had a very narrow pull-out couch to sleep on and we had brought games and books to read. Mostly, however, we both just tried to sleep.
Around 6:30 pm I realized that I had been feeling pressure and pain down there that was steadily getting worse. I kept thinking it was just that the epidural had worn off a little bit and that they needed to give me some more medicine. I kind of wanted to suck it up and just deal with it, but at Andrew’s urging we called the nurse in. She said she guessed they could have the doctor check me but that I might just need more medicine. When the doctor came in and checked me I was assuming I was still at a four, so when she suddenly said, “Oh you’re complete!” I didn’t quite process what that meant! I said something like “Wait, what does that mean?” (even though I knew) and she said, “You’re at a ten. It’s time to push!”
Everything after that went so fast that I’m not even sure I can tell it accurately. In a matter of minutes the stir-ups were up, blinding lights were on, and it seemed like there were about a hundred people in my room. I pushed for one hour with Andrew by my side the whole time. I saw and touched the baby’s head as it crowned, but as I pushed I was so focused that I had kind of forgotten why I was doing it. I just knew I had to push as hard as I could until the nurses told me to stop, that was my goal. And then suddenly…she was here. Suddenly she was on my tummy, in my arms, and a waterfall of emotions came. She was not yet crying (which was actually a good thing because she had meconium in her lungs, and I was crying enough for the both of us anyway). As vague as the whole memory of her birth is sometimes, I think I will always remember that first moment. It was as if the world had stopped, everything was quiet, and no one existed but Audrey, Andrew and I. I know there were a million things going on around us but I don’t think I could see or hear anything else. I can’t possibly describe that moment.
Then they whisked her away, assuring me that she would be back in my arms as soon as possible. They wiped her off, dealt with the meconium, and took measurements in the room with us with Andrew standing right next to her. Then they gave her back to me all wrapped up. By then we were all three of us crying, and she was ours forever.
The rest of our hospital stay had many ups and downs. But for now I just want to relish in the fact that she is ours for eternity. She is the love of our life. I love feeling how much she needs us and loves us. And I love that she knows how much we love her and that we will always take care of her.
When I look at her now I’m overcome with how much I love her and how much she is a part of me. Looking at her little face as she falls asleep, her little eyes fluttering, feeling her ever so soft skin against mine, her one little cheek squished up against my chest, feeling the vibrations of her breathing, seeing her involuntary twitches and smiles, hearing her yawns and coos as she drifts off- is there anything that compares to this? Right now I don’t think there is. And maybe someday there will be, because I know that each new phase brings some new magic. But for now I can’t imagine being happier. I said that on my wedding day and I’m sure I’ll say it again. I feel so blessed. I love my little family and I love Heavenly Father for sending Audrey to be ours. I’m so grateful. Life is good, life is so good.
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